Page 99 of Because of Dylan

A flashback of that kiss fills my mind.

She squints at me. “Oh, something happened. I can tell by that smile. Tell me.”

I stuff two whole cookies in my mouth. Warm, melted chocolate coats my tongue. My face flushes with a fantasy of chocolate kisses. I cover my mouth and try to speak, but can only mumble an indecipherable sound.

I wash down the crumbs with tea. “I’m not smiling.” But I am. I can’t stop smiling.

“Becca!” My name is a warning.

I laugh. “Okay, okay. I’ll tell you.” I take a breath. “We were there, sitting in the car in the parking lot, and I kissed him.”

“You kissed him. You? First?”

“Yes. It’s crazy, I know. There was so much sexual tension. He said he wanted to get to know me better, and I couldn’t take it anymore and kissed him.”

“How was it?”

“It was … amazing, hot, sexy. I didn’t want to stop.”

“I’m happy for you. Maybe this is real. A little risky, but real.”

“Yeah, I know I’m coloring outside the lines, but—”

She snorts. “Outside the lines? Becca, I don’t think you’ve ever been inside the lines. Ever. And … I support this.”

She’s not wrong.

River folds her legs under her. “Did you guys talk about how you'll manage dating?”

“No. But I think it was understood that we’d keep it quiet. He’s not the kind to brag.”

She tugs at the sleeve of her hoodie. “I wonder what the rules are on staff-student fraternization.”

“I checked last night. There are no official rules written forbidding it, but they frown upon relationships between staff or faculty and undergrad students. Grad students relationships with staff and faculty are more acceptable as long as the student is not under direct supervision of that staff member or enrolled in that professor’s class.”

“You’re not his student, but you’re not a grad student yet either. Not until September. But once we graduate in May, it should be fair game.”

“I know. And that’s why we need to keep quiet until then. And maybe even after too.”

River mimics zipping her lips and throwing away the key.

I flop back onto the couch. “I don’t even know what this is. The way he talked to me gave me the impression he wants more than a hookup, but maybe it’s all in my head, and he’s just looking for a booty call.”

“Well, this is something you have to decide on, and then talk to him about. What do you want? A real relationship or another hookup?”

What do I want? “I want someone to know me, to see me and love me. Love my flaws and all the ugly in my life. But I can’t imagine myself telling Dylan any of it.” The knots in my stomach ease with each revelation.

She reaches over and squeezes my knee. “We all have flaws and ugly in our lives. Is that why you think you’re falling for the therapist? Because he already knows you, and you feel safe with him?”

I have to think about it. “Yes, and no. I like him. He’s easy to talk to, and he calls me on my BS. He makes me see things differently.”

“And Dylan?”

“I like him too. A lot. He’s different from what I thought. Kind. Sweet, even. I … I don’t know. Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with two people at the same time?”

“Yes. I think it’s possible, but I think the type of love would be different. You know what I mean? Dylan and the therapist are giving you different things, fulfilling different needs. So, you’d fall for each of them for a different reason.”

“Maybe, but what am I saying? Really? This is not love. One guy will forever be a mystery. And the other I have no idea what I should do about. Just go for it? Back out? If only I could merge the two of them together and build the perfect man for me.”

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