Page 61 of Because of Dylan

I sink into the bed, fold the blanket over my legs, and adjust my earbuds. “You are?”

“Yes. I watched the news about the shooter last week. I have no idea where anyone is calling from, but I worried that some of my callers might have been affected by it.”

“I was nowhere near the shooter.” A small lie. I was, and I wasn’t.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nothing to talk about. I was safe.” I can’t hide the trace of anger from my voice.

He picks up on it. “Why does my question upset you?”

I fudge, total honesty be damned. “I was upset before I called you.”

He waits me out. I breathe in deep and release. “This will sound crazy.”

“I assure you that whatever you say will be fine.”

“When I first logged on, you weren’t there.” Oh my God. I’m so stupid.

“I wasn’t there—oh, you mean I was not available?”

“Yes. And for some irrational reason it made me mad.” What the hell am I doing?

“Not entirely irrational. You created an expectation that I would be always available. And when that expectation failed, you got angry. Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“That’s normal. People do this all the time. They create expectations about other people and things, and when those expectations don’t meet their idea of what should happen, they get disappointed. And disappointment leads to anger.”

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t have expectations?”

“No, not at all. I’m saying that you should have realistic expectations. And don’t get upset when something happens that’s outside your control.”

“How do I know if my expectations are realistic or not?”

“It’s unrealistic to expect I will be available twenty-four seven. I have a full-time job and other life commitments. But it is realistic to expect I’ll continue to be available as much as I can for the duration of this program.”

“Okay.” I sigh. I’m behaving like a brat.

“Last time we talked, we left things off in a hard place.”

“Yeah …” It still amazes me I told him some of what happened to me. And that he believed me and didn’t judge me for it.

“How have you been since?”

“Okay, I guess.” Surprisingly okay. I thought I’d have some kind of breakdown, but I didn’t.

“You guess?”

“No. I know. I’m okay.”

“This is great. We are making progress. But I want to talk about how you feel about the shooting incident too.”

“We already did.”

“Not really. How did that affect you?”

“I don’t think it affected me at all.”

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