Page 30 of Because of Dylan

PASSWORD:**********

There. The perfect username for me. I am a 22-year-old cougar, after all.

I hit ENTER. The page loads.

Welcome to our safe space. Everything discussed in this area is private and confidential.

Calls are not recorded and chat conversions are deleted once the chat window is closed.Our program is more flexible than traditional one-on-one therapy.

Think of us as an open-minded friend, who is here to listen and guide when needed. You can talk to one therapist or several.

You may also join a group therapy room and take part or observe.

Our therapists are highly trained, and here to help you. We have male and female therapists available 24/7.

And so there’s complete transparency, male therapists have odd numbers and female therapists have even numbers. Please check below for a list of available therapists now.

“I’m so not ready for a public confession.” I ignore the link to the group chat room and look at a list of available therapists.

Therapist4

Therapist8

Therapist11

Therapist14

Therapist18

Therapist22

Male or female? My first impulse is to pick one of the even numbers and ignore the lone guy on the list. But which one? Can any of them really help me? I have never done any kind of therapy or mental help before. God knows I need it, but it costs money. Self-medicating with alcohol and random sex is free.

I close my eyes and will my heart to slow down, flex my hands and command the trembling to stop.

“It’s just a chat. If I don’t like it, I can close the window and delete my account.”

I stretch my back and turn my neck right and left, up and down.

“Shake it off, Becca!” When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is the alarm clock on the table next to my bed—big red numbers stare back at me.

11:11 PM

I look at the list of therapists and back at the clock. Then look at the time on the computer too, to make sure.

11:11 PM

“I hope to God this is some kind of sign.”

I’ve never been one for signs and superstitions, but I’m calling for reinforcements now.

I grab a quarter from my nightstand.

“Heads, and I’ll go ahead with this guy, tails, I’ll forget the whole thing and log off.”

I flip the coin, smack my hand over it before I can see how it landed on my bed.

Heads.

---