Page 82 of Because of Logan

The door closes behind him with a dull thud.

Chapter Thirty-Six

That was a dick move,I know. That kiss was more for Bruno’s benefit than Skye’s, and I feel like the asshole I am for doing it. Still, I don’t regret it. I have no idea what the deal with Bruno is. Maybe he has no interest in Skye other than friendship. But he’s a guy, and she’s a sweet and sexy woman.

And biology is biology. A man does not have to be interested in a woman to fuck her. I have fucked my share of women whom I had little interest in. I’ve never led anyone to believe it was more than a simple fuck. She got off. I got off. We were even. End of story. Not that I’m proud of it.

I don’t see myself as a player. I’m not playing games or putting marks on my bedpost. Just scratching the itch. But Skye is so much more than an itch. I want to know her. I want to know what makes her tick. What she hopes to do with her life. And how do I fit into it? It’s so much more than lust and great sex. I enjoy her company, feel comfortable in her presence. Being near Skye is like being home. I can let my guard down. I don’t have to be a cop, my father’s son, or a Cole. I can just be me. Logan. And not just my last name or what is expected of me because of it.

I think I’m falling for Skye.

Fast.

Logan: I was a dick today, Liam.

Logan: I checked on my girl because I’m jealous of her friend.

Logan: Instead of trusting her like I should, I keep looking for clues that she’s like Amanda.

Logan: There’s a nasty voice in my head saying this is too good to be true and it sounds like Dad.

Logan: I’m falling for her.

Logan: And it’s not fair for me to bring all this crap from my past and our family into our relationship.

Logan: What should I do?

The idea of being in love terrifies and fascinates me. Part of me is elated and so desperate to finally have someone love me for me. But it makes me feel weak and stupid and needy. I don’t want to depend on someone’s approval ever again. I don’t want to need someone’s love and try to fit into an impossible mold just to make them happy.

When I think of it, my first instinct is to run. I keep thinking this is too good to be true and waiting for the other shoe to drop. For her true colors to show. For Skye to be controlling like my father, or manipulative and cunning like Amanda, or aloof and detached like my mother. But she’s none of these things. I keep reminding myself of that. Skye is not like them at all. Either that, or she’s all of it and just much better at hiding it.

No.

I can’t let myself go down that path. Nothing good can come from it. I have to learn to trust again. And if I can’t trust her just yet, I can at least trust my gut. And it's telling me Skye is the real deal. I’d much rather go with that because it makes me happy in a way I’ve never experienced before.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

“How long haveyou been dating Logan now?”

River’s question takes me by surprise, and I have to think about it for a minute, but it’s a welcome distraction from the class notes I have to study.

“Two months. Why?”

“It feels longer than that. You two got close really fast.”

She folds another T-shirt. We have a pile of warm laundry between us on her bed. Folding laundry is one of the few house chores River does not hate. She finds it calming. The fresh, clean smell, the warm fabrics. It soothes her. Her words, not mine. Baking soothes me. I guess for the same reasons laundry does her. But a warm oven and baking scents instead.

I think about what she said. It does feel longer than two months. We’ve grown closer. Secrets have been shared. Logan makes me feel good about myself. He sees me and he’s still here. He still cares.

“Has he said the L word yet?”

Her question brings me crashing down to reality. He hasn’t. Not with words, anyway. But sometimes, I could swear he’s on the verge of saying them but is holding back. Given his past, I can understand why.

“No.”

I don’t elaborate on it. What else can I say?

“Hmm.”

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