Page 74 of Because of Logan

“I opened the door again. She was still naked and tried to walk back into the house. I blocked her with my body. She switched from anger to tears again and asked why I didn’t believe her.”

“Didn't your father tell her you saw them?”

“I guess he didn't connect my calling her a cheater with my knowing about them.”

The look on Amanda’s face is still fresh in my memory, even after all this time.

“I said, ‘I saw you. I saw you both fucking on my bed. Save your breath. There will be no wedding. There will be no new company. Find another guy to take the fall for you and my father. Never call me again. Never come here again. Never even think about me again. We’re done.’ Then I closed the door again. She kicked at it a few times, cursed, and I imagine gathered her clothes before she left since there was nothing left outside the next day.”

“Why do I have a feeling there's more to this story?”

“Because there was. My father’s threats came hours later. He demanded I go home. Then he demanded I get over it and get back to Amanda. He made threats against me. He made threats against my brother. He made threats against my mother. He tried everything he could think of. Tried to get me kicked out of school too. Said he wouldn’t pay for my tuition. I expected that. But by then, my grandma had gotten wind of what had happened and intervened. Mrs. Iris next door knows everything that happens in the neighborhood. She heard Amanda and called Grandma. Grandma called, and I gave her the short and clean version of it. She sent a check to Riggins to cover the rest of my tuition until I graduated and also made a very generous donation in the name of my grandfather.”

Grandpa had been a Riggins alumnus, and it was another reason I wanted to go there. All the stories he told me about Riggins when I was a kid. I just knew Riggins was it for me. I never even applied anywhere else.

“And that was it then? They gave up?”

“No, not for a long time. Both of them kept trying to make me change my mind. Amanda even tried to convince me she was pregnant. I knew it was a lie. And if she was pregnant, it sure as hell wouldn’t be mine. We’d never had unprotected sex, and it had been weeks since we’d been together.”

“What about your mother? Did you tell her?”

“Not at first. But there was enough going on that I’m sure she knew. My father traveled often, and I’m sure he had mistresses. They didn’t share a bedroom. I didn’t even know it was not normal for married couples to have separate bedrooms until I went over to a friend’s house when I was five or six and realized his parents shared a bed.”

“Why would your mom stay? Why not just take you and your brother and leave?”

“That’s a question I’ve asked myself and her many times, and the answer was always that I wouldn’t understand. But looking back, my mom is completely under his control. Mom never told me any of this, but my grandma did. My parents met when she was seventeen and a freshman in college. He’s fifteen years older than her. But he was attractive and charming. She was young and naïve, far from home, and fell under his spell. They got married a year later, and she was pregnant with me a few months into the marriage and dropped out of college. Mom was twenty when I was born. She was isolated from her family and her friends. My father controlled every aspect of her life. She was madly in love with him. I don’t think he ever loved her back. I don’t think he’s capable of love. My grandparents tried to be a part of our life as much as they could. Living in different states made it harder, but they visited more often after I was born. My father tolerated their presence, and they tried to visit when he was away on business trips and my mother was left behind with Liam and me when we were babies. As we got older, my grandparents would take us back to Vermont to spend time with them. My father conceded. Not so much so that we could spend time with them, but because he didn’t want to deal with two boys eager to get their father’s attention.”

“I don’t know what to say. That’s a terrible way to grow up.”

“We really didn’t know any different. Some of our friends went away to boarding school. We thought we were lucky to have two homes, one with our parents and one with our maternal grandparents. My father’s parents died before I was born. Not until I was eleven or twelve did I begin to see all the ugly in my family, but I was a kid and still trying to win my father’s affection. It was easy to ignore the ugly parts.”

“Are your parents still together now, after all that?”

“As far as I know, they’re still living in the same house. I never went back home. To be honest, I speak more often with Mary, our cook, than I ever did with my parents. She calls me every week, lets me know what’s happening, and gives me news of my brother too. He keeps her up on what’s happening with him when he can reach out.”

“You’re not close to your brother either?”

“We are, or were, very close growing up. But I left for college and he was still in high school. And my father was always harder on him than me. Liam didn’t conform as much. I expected him to join me at Riggins. That’s something we’d always talked about, but he enlisted in the navy instead. I’ve only seen him a handful of times since he enlisted. He’s a medic with the marines now and doesn’t come home often.”

“And I thought I had it bad with Blake. I wish I could do or say something to make it all go away.”

I smile then, a real smile. I know exactly what she can do and say to get my mind off the past.

“You can say my name. Multiple times. While you’re naked. Under me.”

She does just that.

Chapter Thirty-Three

It’s beena week since the day we ran into Blake and Logan told me about his ex. I think about it often and thank God for the caring parents we have. River and I are so lucky to have parents who support and care for us. As crazy as Mom may be sometimes, and as many times as she’s embarrassed me and River, I’ve never felt unloved by her.

Luckily, I haven’t seen Blake since. I hope Logan’s veiled threat is enough to keep him away from me and his mouth shut. River was so livid when I told her about it that she actually looked him up on the student directory to send him an email and remind him of her threat of cutting off his balls. I had to convince her it was best not to make any threats using school email since balls cutting is illegal and all.

That’s River. My vigilant sister. I hope she doesn’t run into him either. Dad hates when he has to wear his lawyer hat. And I didn’t plan bail money into this month’s budget.

Bruno is feeling left out since Logan’s taking up all my free time. I don’t want to be one of those girls who forgets her friends when she has a boyfriend. We still talk in class, but we haven’t hung out in a while. Logan’s working tonight, so it will be the perfect opportunity to do something together. I want to ask him about Sidney. They’ve been dating for a while now. He hasn’t talked about his long-distance relationship recently, and I’m worried that not all is well with them. Bruno loves telling me all about Sidney, but he only does it when it’s just the two of us, and we haven’t had much one-on-one lately. I hope that’s just it, but I have a gut feeling there may be more to Bruno’s silence about it.

“Are you ready?”

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