Page 64 of Because of Logan

Skye takes a couple of bites of her pancakes and drinks her coffee. She has a distant look in her eyes, lost in the past.

“So Blake notices me for the first time. I was elated. We’d had a couple of classes together before, but of course, he didn’t remember me. I never registered on his radar before. We started dating after that. River didn’t trust him and told me so. Her boyfriend warned her about Blake. Said I should be careful with him. He’d heard stories.”

“What kind of stories?”

“That he’d forced himself on other girls.”

“What’s his full name?”

She hesitates for a moment but answers.

“Blake James Scott.”

I pull my iPhone from my pocket, unlock it, and open the Notes app.

“What’s his birthday?”

Sky looks confused.

“May thirty. Why?”

“Year?”

I make a note of everything she’s saying on the app.

“He’s my age, so it has to be 1997?”

She answers it like a question.

“Which college is he going to?”

“He was going to UV, but River said she overheard a conversation and he’s transferred over here. Why are you asking all these questions?”

I think about being evasive or not answering her, but she’s been nothing but honest with me and she deserves the same from me.

“I just want to check on him. Make sure he doesn’t have any felonies on him. Can’t help it. I’m a cop.”

I smile and finish my coffee. Most of the pancake is uneaten. I take a couple more bites to give her time to finish her story.

She mulls over what I said for a minute or two and continues.

“Where was I? Oh, yeah. River warned me away from him. I got mad at her. For the first time, I had a boy interested in me, and I told her she was jealous. Which, of course, she wasn’t, but I was young and stupid and thought myself in love, and Blake was persuasive. He was manipulative. I can see it now. I couldn’t back then. We dated for months. Whatever little confidence I gained by his attention, he’d tear down, little by little. It was never obvious or blatant. It was little comments here and there. He’d say something about what I was wearing or about my hair, about my lack of makeup. And I’d try to do and be what I thought he wanted because I needed him to like me. I was convinced if I did what he wanted, if I looked the part, he’d love me. He said as much. And in my naiveté, I believed him.”

She takes a sip of her coffee. Both of our mugs are now empty. I wave at the waitress, who’s keeping her distance but still paying attention to us, and she brings a carafe and refills our mugs.

When she leaves, Skye picks up where she stopped.

“Blake flirted with other girls in front of me and made jokes about my lack of experience. And I’m sure he was cheating from day one. I was a challenge, the innocent virgin girl he wanted just so he could say he did it and nothing more. With every passing month, he pressured me more and more to have sex. I wasn’t ready. I was beginning to see that he was not what I thought. He would run hot and cold. River tried to make me see the truth, but it only made me want to prove her wrong more. In the end, I gave in. It was spring, before prom. I assumed we were going together. We’d been dating for six months, the longest he’d been with anyone. It just so happens that it was because I took the longest to give in. Two weeks before prom, he took me to his house. I’d been there before when his family was around. But they were away that week. His father was on a business trip and his mom went with him. His older sister was away at college. I hadn’t realized we’d be alone. I can’t say if I had known, I wouldn’t have gone. I had my head in the clouds thinking about prom and imagining the perfect date. Naïve, remember?”

She laughs again, and the sound is bitter and filled with self-deprecation.

“So, anyway. Here we are, alone in his house, and he puts on a movie and brings me a wine cooler. I felt so mature, drinking alcohol with my boyfriend. I was tipsy before I finished the bottle. Next thing I know, I’m naked and he’s on top of me.”

Anger rises within me until it’s burning a hole in my chest with the need to explode. I contain myself. I still my face and hold it all in. The last thing I want is for Skye to think this rage is directed at her. I wait another minute until I’m sure none of it will show in my voice. Skye doesn’t look at me. I can feel her discomfort. I want to reach out to her and hold her tight, but I’m not sure this is what she needs right now.

“Do you think he drugged you?”

“No, I know he didn’t. He gave me a sealed bottle. I opened it myself. I drank it of my own volition. I can’t say he forced himself on me. As much as I’d like to blame someone else for that night, I did it to myself. I allowed it to happen. He kept going, and I never asked him to stop. I may not have been sober, but I was aware enough. I knew what was happening. He never asked if it was okay and I didn’t ask him to stop. I just let it happen. Part of me was glad it would be over with. No longer a virgin. A bigger part of me wanted him to stop, but I said nothing. I can’t blame him. It was as much my responsibility as it was his.”

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