Page 65 of Because of Logan

Knowing this now makes me really glad I never pushed Skye, not that I ever would, but our experience was the complete opposite of what she’d had with her asshole ex. I let her make the decisions and asked if she was sure every step of the way.

“I’m not sure I agree with you. Yes, you played a part in it, but he didn’t want to stop, and I’m not sure he would have stopped if you’d asked him to. He knew what he was doing. He planned it.”

She nods in agreement.

“It was... it was bad. It was painful and awkward. He didn’t take his time. I think he was in a hurry to get it done with before I could come to my senses and ask him to stop. He told me to get dressed and drove me home after. He didn’t even kiss me goodbye. Just dropped me at the door and drove away before I even got inside the house. I didn’t see him the next day. He texted me and said he was busy with football and he’d call me later.”

I tell myself to stick to the facts and leave emotions out of this. Stay focused.

“Please tell me he used a condom.”

“He did the first time.”

“What do you mean?”

“A couple of days later, he texted me and told me to meet him after class. I met him in the parking lot and we drove to his house again. We messed around, and I didn’t have the excuse of a wine cooler this time, but I thought it’s not like I’m a virgin anymore, so nothing to lose. I was so wrong.”

Tears fill her eyes. I’m ready to hunt this asshole down and beat him within inches of his life.

“We went to his room this time. It was early, so his parents weren’t home yet. I saw him grab a condom, I saw him tear the foil open, and I saw him put it on. But at some point, without my realizing it, he took it off. After, I went to the bathroom. I got scared. I thought the condom broke and told him. And he laughed. He said it didn’t break. He took it off. I got angry. He said everyone was doing it and I should get over it. He called itstealthing. I’d never heard of it before. I asked him to take me home. He did. When we got home, I told him I needed some space. I needed a break. I wasn’t okay with what he did. I told him maybe by the time prom came around, I’d be okay again. Stupid, I know. He laughed at me and said he had no intention of taking me to the prom, that I could take all the time I needed because I was a lousy lay and a prude. He told me to get out of his car and never call him again.”

I heard about stealthing.It happens when a man removes the condom without his partner’s knowledge, turning a consensual act into a non-consensual one. It’s happening more and more. Forget about beating the shit out of the asshole. I want to kill him. With my bare hands.

“I held my tears until I got in the house. Luckily, my parents were busy with the farm and didn’t see me when I got in, but River was home, and as soon as I saw her, the dam broke and the tears came. I told her everything that happened between sobs, and she somehow got me upstairs and in the bathroom. She helped me into the shower and washed me like a baby while I cried. She told me to cry all I wanted while in the shower and to wash every vestige of Blake off my body. But when I was done, that would be it. No more tears for that asshole. The next day was a Saturday, and she took me to a Planned Parenthood clinic two towns over. Luckily, I didn’t get pregnant. They told me it just wasn’t the right time in my cycle and that it was unlikely, but they gave me the plan B pills anyway and did a blood test. They told me what to look for and to come back in a month. I was lucky. He didn’t give me any STIs, and I didn’t get pregnant. But whatever little confidence I had, he shattered.”

There’s a catch in her voice, and I can tell how very difficult this is for her still.

“River wanted to kill him. Going back to school after the weekend was the hardest thing I ever did. I was afraid he’d say something or spread rumors. He didn’t. He looked at me once in the cafeteria, turned away, and nearly ran out of it. No words from him, no gossip. People thought I broke up with him. I don’t know how or what happened, but for the next six weeks, until we graduated, every time he saw me or River, he turned and walked the other way. I know River did something to shut him up, to make him so scared. He wouldn’t even look at me. I have no idea what. She never told me. And knowing my sister, it could be anything.”

“She’s badass.”

“That she is. I pity the guy who pisses her off.”

I laugh.

“She told me she’d cut my balls off with a rusty, dull knife if I ever hurt you.”

“No, she didn’t!”

“Yes, she did. Her exact words were,‘If you ever hurt my sister, cop or no cop, I’ll cut your balls off with a rusty, dull knife and feed them to you. Do we have an understanding?’”

“Gosh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Like I said, badass. I’m glad you have her in your corner. Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone who cares.”

“I’m glad too.”

“Now, I’m really curious to know what she said to the asshole. You think she’ll tell me if I ask nicely?”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Logan stayed over.He held me all night, and even though I could feel how hard he was at my back, he didn’t try to have sex. He just held me and told me to sleep. I think it’s his way of telling me that what we have is more than sex. He’s in my corner too.

I wake up to a text from River, saying all is well and she’ll be home soon. I don’t need to pick her up. I can hear Logan in the bathroom. He comes into my room a few minutes later, wearing boxer briefs and nothing else. I smile. He leans over me and kisses my forehead. I can smell my toothpaste on his breath. He’s getting dressed.

“Hungry?” I ask him.

“Always.”

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