Page 51 of Because of Logan

I kiss her again. I just have to.

“I have to go clean up and change. I’ll be right back. Then we can grab dinner.”

I kiss her one more time before I skate across the rink and into the tunnel.

* * *

I can’t believewe’ve been dating for a month already. And it's perfect. I miss Skye when we’re not together, and we spend just about every free moment we can match up between us together. This is the first game I’ve played since we started dating.

We’re seated in a booth, our legs tangled under the table. We’re both wearing jeans, so there’s no skin contact, yet this feels as intimate as if we were naked. I feel close to Skye, more than anyone else I’ve ever known.

“It was so exciting! When is the next game? Can I come again?”

I can’t stop smiling.

“Yes, I want you there. You’re my lucky charm. I never scored a Hat Trick before.”

She pinkens with the compliment.

“That’s the training rink, right? It was my first time there. I’ve been to the arena many times, but never that rink. I like it. I can get a lot closer to the ice.”

“Yeah. Usually, just the family and friends of the players come to watch. The bleachers are not exactly comfortable.”

“I’ll say. I think my butt is still frozen. Did your family come to your games often?”

I hesitate. We’re getting closer, but I’ve done a great job at skirting around family questions. She knows I don’t get along with my parents, but we haven’t talked much about my family.

“My grandparents did, and Liam. My parents never came to any of my games.”

Some of the light leaves her eyes. I grab her hand and lace our fingers.

“It’s okay. I got over it a long time ago.”

But have I? Can anyone ever get over not feeling loved by their parents?

“Wanna talk about it?”

I never talked about it with anyone. Not even Liam.

“Growing up, my father never attended any of my games. He never attended a game when I was in college either. It just wasn’t on his radar. If it wasn’t something that was making him money, it had no place in his life. Liam and I were no more than pawns in his power and money games.”

“What about your mom?”

“My mom did whatever my father told her to.”

Skye tilts her head, questions in her eyes.

“I resent her. Not because she’s like my father, but because she never went against any decisions he made. Even when I could see she disagreed with him. When she wanted to say or do something else, she never did. In a way, she was as much of a captive of his influence as we were as little kids. But we grew up and got away. Mom never did. I’ll never understand why she stayed by his side all these years. She had a wealth of her own. She didn’t need him. She couldn’t possibly love him. Not after all the years of neglect and cheating on his part.”

“You’d be surprised at the lies people tell themselves in the name of love. Even if that love is misplaced or unwanted.”

Skye is right, I know. But a part of me, a part that’s angry at my mother, still refuses to feel bad for her. I tried. I tried so many times. But you can’t help someone who refuses to be helped.

“She turned a blind eye to everything he did and went along with it. I’ll never understand the power he holds over her.”

“Was he... was he abusive toward her?”

“No. I know my father was never physically abusive toward her. He would have thought it beneath him. Looking back, the emotional scars are clear now. I didn’t see them back then when I was under his control. I thought she was just as cold as him. After I cut ties with him, I tried reaching out to my mother. I asked why she stayed with him and she had no answer for me. I flat-out asked her to leave him. To just go. I asked her to move in with me until she figured what she wanted to do. But she said she couldn’t, and that’s when years of repressed anger came out in a spectacular manner. I told Mom that my father was dead to me, and if she chose him over her own children again, so was she. That was the last time I saw my mother. Haven’t spoken with her since. It’s been nearly four years now.”

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