Page 19 of Because of Logan

“You make it sound so easy.” Ugh, I sound like Eeyore.

“I know it’s not easy. The mind has a way to loop back to the very things we want to forget. Not wanting to think about something is the same as thinking about it. The trick is to replace those thoughts with new ones. Until you create a new loop.”

Create a new loop? Could Logan be it? Could he be the man to give me something new to think about?

“Okay, Mom. I promise to give this date a real try.”

“You have to step out of your comfort zone. Take a risk. Listen to your heart.”

“I will. Love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, sweetie. Talk to you soon.”

I tried this before.After my high school boyfriend disaster, I thought maybe it was just what I needed to do. Be less picky and hang out with a guy and not think beyond the moment. But I can’t do casual. It doesn’t work for me. I can’t make myself be with a guy just because he’s cute or I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night.

There has to be something more. Maybe something is wrong with me. Unlike most of the girls in high school, I was never boy-crazy. I very rarely felt attracted to a guy. My one and only high school boyfriend was pretty much the only guy I’d been interested in, and we were together for six months. Until he got what he wanted, that is. He was one patient jerk, I’ll give him that. I don’t think many guys would have stuck around, pretending to love me for so long, just so they could take my virginity and then brag about it.

Three years later, and I still can’t believe I fell for his smooth talk.

I went on a few dates in freshman year at Riggins and dated Jon for all of three weeks in sophomore year. And what a mistake that was. But he’d been so charming and so insistent, and I thought why not? Ugh. He turned out to be a douche of the first order.

River hated his guts on sight. I didn’t miss how Jon’s greedy eyes fell all over her when they first met after we’d been on a few dates. We broke up not long after that.

It has always been every guy’s reaction when they first meet my sister. They forget I exist the moment River walks into a room. It can’t be helped. It’s nothing that she does. It’s just her. They’re all drawn to her.

It’s like she has her own gravitational pull. I’m just the moon hanging around, and she is the sun, and as soon as any guy enters her stratosphere, they’re hooked.

Except for Logan.I expected it. I looked for it but found... nothing. He doesn’t seem to be attracted to her at all.

* * *

The week’s flying by.It’s already Wednesday, and this class, Structure of English Language, is putting me to sleep.

My phone vibrates in my backpack. I grab it and hide it under the desk. I’m seated toward the back. I don’t think the professor can see me, but we’re not supposed to use cell phones in class and I try to be discreet.

Logan’s texting me.

I keep waiting for him to change his mind. Why is this gorgeous guy interested in me? I key in the unlock code and open my text message app. I can’t help the smile that comes over my face.

Logan has been texting me all week, asking all kinds of questions, and he will not tell me what he’s planned for Saturday. We haven’t been able to see each other even though we live on the same block.

This double major in English and Communications is kicking my ass. Between classes, my daycare job, and his odd hours at work this week, all we manage are text messages.

Three more days until I see him again. The thought fills my belly with butterflies. I’m nervous and excited at the same time. I don’t remember being this eager to see someone since high school when Blake asked me out for the first time at a Halloween party our senior year, and we all know how that ended.

I had to change his contact name back to Logan again this morning. River keeps changing it to variations of Hot Cop. This morning it wasI hope Hot Cop Has a Big Cock.

She has the sense of humor of a fourteen-year-old boy. I should change the passcode, but I know she’ll guess it within a few tries. I need a number I can relate to or I’ll forget it completely, and River knows them all.

Logan: What’s your favorite food?

Skye: I love Italian food.

Logan: Like?

Skye: Lasagna. Nothing better than homemade lasagna. And garlic bread too. You?

Logan: I make a mean lasagna. I’m going to cook for you one day soon.

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