Page 117 of Because of Logan

As if sensing someone, her eyes lift from the book and find me. And for the first time, I understand what she means by this tree being her own little universe. When we lock eyes, everything else vanishes. Birds stop singing, the air around us stills, and we’re frozen in the moment, but I didn’t come all the way here to just stare at her.

“Can I sit?”

She doesn’t respond but unwraps the quilt and pulls it to the side, making enough room for me to sit next to her. I do and pull the quilt around me and over her with my good hand, enclosing us into the nest she created for herself. I leave a couple of inches between us. The quilt is big enough to cover us both. I turn so I can face her. The heat from her body reaches me, and I fight the urge to just kiss her. Hopefully, there will be plenty of time for that after she hears me out. Her sunshine and orange blossom smell fill my lungs, and it’s like breathing for the first time in weeks. Blue eyes wait on me.

“I missed you.”

I didn’t plan on starting with that, but it’s the truth. I did miss her. Like I’ve never missed anything else in my life before. No response. She’s not going to make it any easier for me.

“I believe you.”

Still nothing, but her eyes never leave mine.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before. I’m sorry my actions hurt you. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. I could use the excuse of not being able to drive until now, but we both know if I really wanted to be here, I would have found a way around it.”

She flinches.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to see you, it’s that I wasn’t ready to. Not in the state of mind I was in.”

It’s hard to be this close to her, her breath touching my lips, openness clear in her eyes, and not just let my body take over. She wouldn’t stop me, I know, but that’s not what I want. I need more than that.

“There’s tremendous strength and courage in vulnerability, in opening yourself to someone and risking getting hurt. I thought I was the stronger one in our relationship. I thought that because I was on guard and not giving you all of me, I was in control. I was a fool. You’re so much braver than I could ever be. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to hold back when I know you gave me all of you.”

Another silence falls between us, and a breeze stirs the thin branches, as if urging me to go on.

“It took me all this time to get my head out of my own ass.” There’s a faint shadow of a smile then.

“I needed to bemefirst. The whole me. Not the watered-down version I gave you. I want to make sure I can give you what you need. You deserve someone who will be there for you one hundred percent, and I know I wasn’t it. Not really. It may have looked like it, but a big part of me was waiting for something to go wrong. When I saw you and Bruno together in your bed, I got the validation I was expecting and looking for. I felt I was right all along and that trusting you, trusting anyone, would backfire. And I fed on it like a frenzied shark in a sea full of chum. I reveled in that anger. It fueled me. It made me feel righteous.”

She nods at me, the first real sign she’s listening, understanding.

“But even then, I was lying to myself. I blocked your name on my phone, but the whole time, I hoped that somehow, a call would get through or that you’d come to me. But you didn’t come to me, and I’m glad you didn’t.”

She flinches again.

“I’m glad you didn’t because I would have taken you back, but I would have kept you out. I would have taken you back, but I wouldn’t trust you. I would have taken you back just so no one else could have you, but I would withhold my love.”

Her eyes mist over.

“You deserve so much more than someone who isn’t willing to give you his all, and I was that man.”

My hands ache to touch her, but I hold back.

“I don’t want to be that man anymore. I want to be the man you deserve, whole and committed to you. Committed to us. I don’t want to hold back anymore. I don’t want to be with you and not be one hundred percent invested in us. I’m not perfect, but I love you. I love you with everything I am, with every cell in my body, with every breath in my lungs. I love you and I need you in my life. I don’t know how to be me without you. I miss you, and I miss the man I am when I’m with you. The man I know I can be.”

The scent of snow and orange blossoms hangs in the space between us, at odds with each other and yet so perfect together.

“Please forgive me. I never want to hurt you again.”

Her fingers curl around the edge of the quilt as if they, too, ache to touch me.

“I’m a work in progress, Skye.”

The breeze picks up and swirls around us. Tendrils of golden hair brush my face, as if parts of her are already reaching to touch me. I dare to hope.

Chapter Sixty-Two

“I love you,”he says. I know he does. The truth of his words shines in his eyes.

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