Wordlessly, Tor folded her into his arms. She leaned against him, taking comfort in the steady beating of his heart, the quiet strength of his arms.
Eventually, when she’d thoroughly soaked his shirt in tears, she straightened up with a sniff. He handed her a clean hanky.
“I can’t take your guilt away. It’s a burden we all have to endure and it can’t be erased. But I can perhaps help you come to terms with it.”
“Will that help me control my power?”
“Maybe. Right now your guilt is a solid barrier. If I can help you accept it, perhaps you’ll be able to access your fae side. And more importantly, maybe you’ll be able to forgive yourself.”
Never. I’ll never forgive myself.
She gave a wobbly smile.
“What do I need to do?”
“It won’t be easy. Like I said. No guarantees. And it will mean reliving the memory of…”
“No!” Raya was horrified. “I can’t go through that again.”
“You can only make peace with it if you fully embrace what happened. I know it’s hard, but it’s the only way. Are you brave enough, Lady Raya of the Vulcani?”
No. I don’t think I am.She wasn’t Vulcani, not really. She was a halfling abandoned at birth, scared of her memories.
Then Magda’s voice swam into her head.
Your mother was a strong fae. Absolutely fearless. She would fight to the death to protect you.
Aelah hadn’t hesitated. She’d run from Nush’aldaam to protect her unborn child. She’d taken the hard path because it was the right thing to do.
Didn’t she owe it to her mother to do the same?
She straightened her shoulders.
“Do it.”
“Remember, I’ll be right here next to you.”
Tor’s gaze deepened to the jade of a rainforest, He held his hands on either side of her face, not quite touching her, yet she felt warmth radiating from his fingers. Time seemed to slow. The dust motes dancing in the air spiralled lazily, and the shards of sunlight penetrating the roof faded to sepia.
Tor moved his fingers gently around her face, stroking something only he could see. A curious sensation tugged at her brain. The room around her changed.
She was back in her childhood home playing cards with Caroline and Ross. And a demon with blood red eyes was knocking on the door.
She wanted to stop Ross when he got up to answer, wanted to beg him to stay. But she was helpless to stop it playing out. She couldn’t change anything. How could she? The tragedy had already happened.
She watched Caroline get up from the table. The last time she’d ever seen her.
“Why are you making me do this?” she screamed.
“Just watch. Witness. Accept.”
Tor’s voice sounded in her head. The snake-eyed man appeared and she tried to turn away.
“No. You cannot block it out. You must make this part of you. It’s the only way.”
She forced herself to focus.
Again, she sensed the invisible restraints around her body. Felt her feet slide across the kitchen floor as she was dragged towards the demon. Tried to call out and was prevented from doing so.