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“Well, we’ll let you go get showered,” Mom says. “Happy birthday. I’ll email you the details for the meeting.”

My smile is fixed as I hug them both, watching as they say goodbye to Doug before heading back up the stands toward the exit.

“Pissing hell.” Doug laughs. “I have so many questions.”

I turn and walk back along the pool toward the locker rooms. “Nope.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” His laugh vanishes as he takes my elbow, hauling me to a stop. “It’s your birthday?”

My eyebrows shoot up, my mouth already open to defend my lies. “What?”

“They said ‘happy birthday’.”

I shake my head, still confused. Maybe he isn’t going to call me out on lying to my parents about my future in swimming. “My birthday is next Tuesday.”

Doug lets go of my arm, folding his own across his broad chest as he narrows his eyes. “And why do your parents still think you’re going to swim for Team USA?”

My breath leaves me in a heavy exhale. “Because I haven’t told them I’m quitting swimming yet.”

“Well, that was clear as day.” He shakes his head. “When are you going to tell them?”

I shrug, feeling like a stupid kid rather than a grown woman. “Soon. I was working up to it.”

All the adrenaline from the meet has left my system and I feel tired and sad. I wrap my arms around myself, shrinking into my robe. Doug huffs a sigh and I take a step toward the showers, but then he places a firm hand on my shoulder and pulls me against him, enveloping me in a hug.

It’s uncomfortable with my arms still folded against my chest, but I don’t trust myself to hug him back. Even so, as he rests his chin on my head, his strong arms banding me in, it feels just right.

“It’ll be okay,” he says quietly, an echo of what he said to me that night in San Francisco.

I shake my head, the spikiness of his beard scratching against my scalp. “It won’t. They’ve wanted this for me literally my entire life. The disappointment might actually kill them.”

Doug laughs and the movement shakes my arms free. I drape them loosely around his waist, resting my head against his chest.

“That’s very dramatic, Blake,” he says. “They’ll be disappointed for sure. Angry, probably. But they love you. They’ll get over it.”

I draw in a shaky breath. “Yeah?”

“Eventually.”

“Ugh.” I bury my face in his t-shirt, subtly inhaling the scent that is all Doug, then step back, putting space between us. “Thanks for rescuing me. I appreciate it.”

He tilts his head, looking at me like he wants to say something, but then turns and walks away. “Any time, Blake. Any time.”

It’s only as I watch him walk away that a wave of guilt hits me like a tsunami. I have two parents that love me, that have given me everything I could ever want. Sure, they’re a lot, and they’ve put an arguably unfair amount of pressure on me from a young age, but there’s never been any doubt that they love me. I know very little about Doug’s parents, but I know enough that whatever childhood he survived has scarred him deeply.

Resolve settles in my bones as I leave the pool and head to the showers. My parents deserve better. It’s time to woman up and come clean. Even if it means breaking their hearts.

LANE

Standing outside Doug’s office, I wonder for the thousandth time if I’m doing the right thing. It’s Joy’s birthday today. I haven’t seen her yet since it’s six a.m. and the team is due to show up any minute for practice. She’s been secretive about her birthday for years and I know she doesn’t like a big fuss, but I also refuse to let it pass by without some sort of marker.

After all, this might be the only birthday I get to celebrate with her.

Straightening my shoulders, I knock on the door.

I try not to think too much about what will happen after she graduates. She’s planning on going to California for her music and I have my job here. Sure, I only took it because of her, and the paycheck, but would I leave it to follow her?Yes. In a heartbeat.

The real question is, would she want me to?

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