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She smiles as she reaches the counter, eyeing the steaming cups. “Is this one mine?” she asks, pointing to the cup I’ve made for her.

“Yep.” I hold my breath as she takes a sip, not releasing it until she sighs with satisfaction.

“Perfect. Thank you.”

I beam at her, still not quite able to believe that we’re here. That she’s taken me back. I mentally slap myself.No.She hasn’t taken me back. This is ‘casual’. Or whatever the fuck that means. I don’t care. If I get to spend time with her. Hold her. Kiss her. Taste her. Feel the unrivaled happiness at making her smile or laugh. Then, I’m in.Allin.

ALDO

Drumming my fingers against the steering wheel, I blow out a breath and try to convince myself for the hundredth time that this is a good idea. Joy and Lane think it is. I mean, it was Lane’s idea in the first place. But as the lights turn green and we turn off the main road onto Doug’s street, I’m really not so sure.

It’s been three days since he arrived back on American soil, and we haven’t seen him. He hasn’t shown up to practice and he isn’t returning anyone’s texts. According to Lane, he’s even blowing off the dean, which has me worried.

“Relax,” Lane says, reaching forward from the back seat and squeezing my shoulders. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Joy huffs from the front seat. “He probably won’t even answer the door.”

“Well,” Lane says slowly. “If that happens, we just go to my place instead. I’m sure we can think of something fun to do to pass a Friday afternoon.”

I glance at him in the rearview and he grins, wiggling his eyebrows. Despite my nerves, I smile even as Joy turns and smacks his knee.

After what went down after the Seattle meet, I was nervous about this week. Being with both Lane and Joy had been mind-blowing, but after we got a ride back to campus and went our separate ways, I couldn’t see how it would work, and we hadn’t really talked about it. I didn’t need to worry, though. Between practice and classes, things have been too busy to meet up, but Lane always finds a way to sneak us both a kiss after training and I’ve met Joy for lunch a couple of times. We talked via text about getting together this weekend, but when Doug decided to go AWOL, we put our plans on hold.

“If Doug decides to be an asshole,” Joy says, “we just go through with the plan without him. There’s no point wasting the food, and I want to go to the beach.”

It was Lane’s idea to go and physically drag him from his house, but Joy’s idea to go to the beach. She thinks the ocean will be good for him, despite it being February and cold as fuck. I haven’t got a clue. I’m just the driver trying not to crap myself at the thought of turning up at Doug’s house. And, of course, I’m the only one of the three of us who knows where he lives. I take a deep breath and turn onto Doug’s driveway.

It’s not like we’re going to announce that we’re all sleeping together, but if Doug was pissed enough to punch Lane for kissing me . . . I glance in the rear view again, but Lane doesn’t seem worried. I suppose it’s different this time. In the club, Doug took him by surprise and everyone had been drinking. Lane and Doug are similar heights and builds, it’s not like Lane should be scared of him.

AmIscared of him?

No. I’m scared of hurting him. When I broke things off, I thought he wouldn’t even care. He’s a player. He’s known for it. I thought I was nothing but a bit of fun—a way to pass the last few weeks before summer break. I had no idea he’d be affected by it. I frown and put the car in park. Would I have done things differently if I’d known?

Lane’s hand grips between my neck and shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’s going to be okay.”

I swallow and nod before getting out of my car. Also, another reason I’m driving. Joy’s car is a BMW Z4, with only two seats, and Lane’s sporty VW Golf isn’t much better. With a two-and-a-half-hour drive to Lincoln City, my custom Jeep Wrangler was the best choice by far.

“He probably won’t even be awake,” I mutter as the other two climb out.

Lane scoffs. “He’s a swimmer. He’s been getting up at the crack of dawn his entire life. He’ll be awake.”

Joy walks around the Jeep and takes my hand. “If you really don’t want to see him, Lane and I can just go check on him and we’ll abandon the beach plan. We can pretend it’s just a friendly visit.”

The thought tightens something in my throat. It’s not that I don’t want to see him. Of course, I do. It’s just, a lot has changed and I’m not sure what to do about it. I haven’t admitted it to anyone, perhaps not even myself, but one of the reasons I ended things was because I started to catch feelings. I felt like an idiot. It was all so cliché . . . The captain of the swim team, falling for his coach, when it was clearly just about getting off for him. But then it wasn’t. Doug’s actions have made me think it wasn’t just one sided.

It was too late to go back after the summer. He might have felt more than I thought, but he’s still my coach. Now, with what’s happening between me, Joy and Lane, it seems hypocritical. I shouldn’t be with Lane, either.

“Breathe,” Joy says, stroking her hand up my chest. “Stay here. We’ll be right back.”

“No.” I step away from the car, locking it behind me. “I’m coming.”

Lane gives me a look which says he’s starting to think it’s not the best idea, but I give him as confident of a smile as I can muster, and he nods. “Okay.”

Doug’s place is a little, dark-green, two-bedroom house on a small, quiet road and, as we head up the short path to the door, I wonder whether he’s already heard us coming.

Joy bounds up the steps and knocks loud enough to make me cringe. It’s cold out, but even with a thick coat and beanie, I’m uncomfortably warm as I shove my hands in my pockets and draw my shoulders up around my ears.

After a minute, we share a look, and Joy raises her hand to try again. But then there’s the sound of a chain being unhooked, and we collectively take a small step back. When the door opens enough for him to peer through, I know we made the right choice. Doug looks awful. His beard is the longest I’ve ever seen it and there are dark circles around his eyes.

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