Page 53 of Forbidden

“Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, Joy,” he says quietly. “There’s not a second over the past four years where I haven’t regretted it.”

I can see the pain on his face and feel the truth in his words, but the barbed wire around my heart is still there.

“I know,” I say carefully. “And I told you, I’ll try to move past it, but you’re the first person I trusted with my heart, and you tossed it away without a second thought.”

Lane’s fists clench, his features tightening, but he doesn’t look at me. “I know that’s what it looked like and what it must have felt like, but that’s not what happened.”

I press my lips together, wanting to demand more of an explanation, but I know there’s no point. We’ll never agree when it comes to what happened between us. We can only move forward.

Lane exhales slowly and reaches for my hands. Covering them with his, he waits until I look at him before speaking. “JoyJoy, I will wait a hundred lifetimes for you to come back to me. I know what it feels like to walk away—to lose you—and if you can be sure of just one thing in your entire life, know that I will never, ever, make that mistake again.”

My throat feels thick, and I swallow, knowing he means every word he says, but I just can’t quite believe it. Like a glass floor in a tourist attraction, I know it’s safe, but the doubt still lingers, preventing me from putting both feet down.

“JoyJoy,” he says softly, squeezing my fingers.

My eyes burn, so I close them, letting him pull me toward him. Resting our foreheads together, his thumbs stroking over the backs of my hands, we stay there until they kick us out.

LANE

“Come on, Bauer,” I shout across the pool. “Put some effort in! Begum’s right on your tail!”

The freshman reaches the side, pushes up her goggles and sticks her tongue out at me.

“Very mature, Bauer. Do you see Blake pulling crap like that?” I nod my head toward where Joy is plowing through her warm-up laps.

She just rolls her eyes before snapping her googles back in place and pushing off into the water. I might be giving them a hard time, but the team is looking good. We have a meet this weekend, and if we perform the way we’ve been in practice, we’ll slaughter the competition.

Despite the dumpster fire that was our team bonding night last weekend, things have been okay so far this week. Doug pulled me aside Monday morning and apologized for punching me. The bruising isn’t too bad and is barely noticeable now. If he’d given me a black eye or broken my nose, it might have been a little more difficult to explain away.

I glance over to where Doug’s coaching Parker and Colton. Before I joined Franklin West, I’d heard rumors about the ex-Olympian coach, but to find out they’re true is another thing altogether. How many other students has he bedded?

In another world, we could have been friends. He might be a few years older than me and reached further professionally, but Aldo and Joy made a valid point. We do have enough in common that we should get along. If I thought there was any chance at all of that happening, though, mauling his ex-boyfriend in front of him probably killed it.

An obnoxiously loud ringtone echoes around the pool and I frown as Doug fishes his phone out of his pocket, scowling at the screen before accepting the call. He points at me as he stalks away, which I assume means I’m to take charge of the remainder of the session.

“Everything okay?”

I turn at the sound of Joy’s voice, surprised to find her standing, dripping, beside me, her water bottle in her hand. “Yeah, why?”

She shrugs. “You seem a little out of it.”

“Nah, I’m fine.” I gesture at the time sheet on my clipboard. “You’re doing great today.”

She grins at me as she backs away. “I know.”

My heart lifts as I watch her walk away. We haven’t spoken much since that night, but a tiny fragment of hope has embedded itself in my heart. Still smiling, I turn back to the pool, only to find Aldo leaning on the side, watching me, his back and shoulders heaving as he catches his breath. My heart stutters a little, as often seems to be the case since that night.

Even though it was in the middle of a sweaty dance floor surrounded by people, that kiss is high up there amongst the hottest experiences of my life. I swallow, remembering the taste of his sweat as I licked his neck, the feel of his muscles flexing beneath my fingers, his hips as he ground against me. I know he felt it, too. The heat is there, lingering in the rich browns of his eyes. Tearing my gaze away, I head to the other side of the pool, barking feedback to Sören and Bowers.

The rest of practice flies by and by the time I finish clearing up the poolside, I’m exhausted. The good thing about being a swim coach is, the hardest part of my day is already done and it’s only seven thirty.

Frowning at the pool, I consider going for a swim myself. I was planning to hit the weight machines in the gym, but the water is calling to me today. I’m pretty sure I have some jammers in my locker. Of course, if Doug and I got along, he’d probably let me share his office. As it is, I get a locker alongside the rest of the team and a tiny desk shoved in what I think is a supply closet. Not that I care. If I have any paperwork to do, I do it at home or in Grinds, the campus coffee shop.

Excitement bubbles in my blood at the thought of swimming. I might not have been destined for the big leagues, but it was my dream for most of my life and there’s nothing quite like the all-encompassing feeling of being in the water.

Except I don’t have my jammers. Not even a pair of boardshorts. Slamming my locker shut with a metallic bang that reverberates around the empty locker room, I glance up at the ceiling as though I might be able to see Doug’s office. He never reappeared after taking that phone call, but then he always leaves me to tidy and lock up, so it’s not really anything new.

My heart is set on swimming now, but I’m not going to drive all the way home and back again. If Doug has something he can lend me, then I’ll make do. There’s every chance he’ll tell me to get lost, but maybe just this once, he won’t be a complete asshole about it.

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