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“How could you?” she asks, tears spilling from her eyes. “How could you let her do that to us? How could you lie to me, after everything?”

I press my lips together, staring up at her. There’s nothing I can say to make this right, and that thought terrifies me. I lift my leg out of the car, slowly, as though trying not to spook a wild animal. When she takes a small step back, I climb out, my heart aching at how small and fragile she looks. Looks are deceiving, though. Nothing about Joy Blake is small and fragile.

“I was eighteen,” I say, aware how weak the excuse sounds. “I was a scared kid, Joy. My times weren’t improving, and I knew I’d probably lose my scholarship. You know my family. I was a mistake. My folks never expected to pay for college for three kids. Especially after Dad left.”

She stares up at me, her fists clenched. Even shaking with rage, she still looks breathtakingly beautiful.

“Swimming is the only thing I’ve ever known,” I continue carefully. “I knew my choice would hurt you, but I always planned on coming back for you. Even though there was a chance you’d have moved on, but I hoped . . .”

Joy shakes her head, taking a step back. “You know, a small part of me thought maybe she was lying.”

Her quiet words slice through me with the force of a cleaver. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll drive you back to campus.” Aldo’s soft tones sound from behind me. I didn’t even hear him get out of the car.

He doesn’t look at me as he rounds the car and takes hold of Joy’s hand, and it hurts like hell. I can’t even wish that I’d told her the truth from the start, because there’s no way she would have given me a second chance if she’d known the real reason I left. Even now, she doesn’t know the whole truth, but she’s not in a place to hear it, and the reasons I didn’t tell her at the time are still very much valid.

I watch as Aldo helps her into the passenger seat, still avoiding my gaze as he walks around and slides into the drivers’ side. This time last week, I was walking on air. I had three incredible people I was planning a future with. Now, just like at eighteen when I made the worst fucking choice of my life, I’m completely and utterly alone. And it’s all my fault.

ALDO

I stay with Joy until she falls asleep. She didn’t want to talk, and I didn’t push it. I heard everything I needed to. Part of me wants to march back over to Rosalind Hall and see if her mom is still there so I can give her a piece of my mind, but I know that won’t do any good.

Giving her dark hair one last stroke, I press a gentle kiss to her temple and stand. With almost everybody still at the fundraiser, the Hive is empty as I make my way down the stairs and out the front door. The music carries across campus and a pinch of guilt hits me that my parents are there without me. I didn’t tell them I was sick. I told them the truth. Well, sort of. I told them Lane needed me and they didn’t push for more information. It’s one of the reasons I can’t imagine having a mother like Joy’s. To deliberately sabotage your daughter’s happiness—not once, but twice?

When I reach the split path at the edge of the common, I sink onto a bench and pull my phone from my pocket. I’m not ready to go home yet. I dial Doug’s number, knowing he’s not going to pick up. He hasn’t any of the other hundred times, so I know he won’t now, so I wait patiently for the generic message and beep for his voicemail. It’s been a while since I left him a message, and when I have, it’s usually nothing more than, ‘please call me back’.

When the high-pitched beep sounds, I take a deep breath. “Hey, Doug. I’m pretty sure you’re planning on getting on a plane tomorrow morning and I really wish you’d at least said goodbye. What you’ve done is really shitty. But then, you know that don’t you?

“You probably think that everything is better with you gone. Well, you’re wrong. Everything has fallen apart. Lane got fired, too. Did you know that? I was hoping he’d come to San Francisco with me and Joy, but I don’t think that’s going to happen now. Honestly, I’m not sure Joy will even want me after tonight. It’s all so fucking painful. And confusing.”

I press the heel of my hand to my forehead and screw my eyes shut. “It was Joy’s mom who got you fired. She must have hired a private investigator to stalk us. It’s not because of you, though. It’s Lane. She paid his college funds in return for him walking out on Joy. I guess she flipped when she found out they were together again.

“I don’t know if Joy will be able to forgive him this time. I’m not sureIcan forgive him for lying to her—to us.” I sigh deeply, my voice breaking a little. “I really fucking miss you, Doug. Would you at least think about calling me before you disappear? I promise I won’t ask you to stay. I just want to hear your voice. I want to know you’re okay.”

I stare at the pebbled ground until a loud beep tells me I’ve run out of time, and I drop my hand to my lap as the screen goes dark.

DOUG

I fall backwards onto the minging flowered duvet covering the shitty airport motel bed, every one of Aldo’s words like a nail being hammered into my heart. He’s right. I have a seat booked on the first flight out tomorrow, with a brief stopover in Amsterdam. It was a right pain the arse getting my house packed up in the small gaps that Scooby Doo and Co weren’t staking it out.

I’ve been at this motel since I got sacked, only going back when they’re not there and getting stuff organized to move. Because I have to. I’m not about to hang about here illegally. Rossi, Masters and Blake have been relentless in their phone calls and texts, but my will is ironclad. That doesn’t mean I haven’t read them, though. That I haven’t tortured myself every second.

I’m still reeling from Rossi’s voicemail when my phone beeps again. He’s sent me a message. I click into our chat thread, safe in the knowledge that I’ve turned off the feature that lets people know you’ve read their messages, because I’m a dick like that.

It’s a photo from the wedding. The one Masters took, right after I said I was all in. Fuck. This kid knows how to play dirty. My stomach clenches as I stare at our happy faces. We were idiots to think it could last. But I’d promised. I said I was all in. And then, I bailed at the first setback. I warned them, though. I told them they could do better.

It should make me feel better that we were fucked before we even started. Masters’ lie would have come out sooner or later and we’d have ended up right back here. In pieces. Whatever we thought we had was built on a foundation that was never strong enough to hold.

Heaving a sigh, I click on Rossi’s contact and press call. He answers almost immediately, his voice breathless.

“Doug?”

I close my eyes, draping an arm over my face. “Hey. Sorry for being a knob.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less,” he says. “Are you okay? Where are you?”

“I’m at a motel. I’m fine.”

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