Page 86 of Giving In

“What’s wrong? What brought you here on a Monday morning? You wouldn’t skip school for no reason.”

I swallow my food slowly and avoid his gaze.

“‘Me, come on.”

I take a deep breath. I can’t talk to him about Jake. It’s impossible. But I can ask him the other thing on my mind.

“Are you…” I start. How can I put this? “Are you seeing anyone else?”

His brows furrow at the question as if he’s completely lost as to why I would even ask.

“Would it bother you if I was?”

One hundred percent yes but I can’t be a hypocrite, not to him.

My throat suddenly feels tight and I have flashbacks to the bathroom. How, how,howcould I let this happen?

“It would,” I admit. He’s about to say something but I’m obligated to cut him off. “But I want to tell you something.” He stays completely silent, so I carry on. “I–I kissed someone from my school. Well, more like I let him kiss me. I–God I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t say it, but I also feel like I have to if I want things with us to keep going.”

He stays quiet, chewing on another mouthful of pancake. He takes his time and he appears calm but there’s a storm brewing in his eyes.

There’s no disappointment on his face, just his jaw tightening and releasing as he chews, just his fingers gripping his cutlery harder than necessary. When he finally swallows and talks, his voice is its usual smooth, but I can’t help noticing his knuckles turning white from the grip on his knife and fork.

“You said he kissed you, was it consensual?”

I frown in confusion. Is that what really matters to him? If I was forced? He’s a good person and that makes me feel even more remorseful. I still reply, “I didn’t try to stop him so that makes me just as guilty.”

He thinks for another minute and my stomach turns into knots.

“I haven’t seen anyone else since I’ve met you,” he admits. “And, I’m not gonna lie, I thought we were pretty exclusive. I don’t go to Church every Sunday with girls I don’t care about.”

I have to avoid his gaze at the shame. He’s been so perfect to me and I went and ruined it all with Jake. Someone for whom I’m just another name on his list.

“I’m so sorry,” I murmur.

“You’re a beautiful girl, Jamie. The more you’re out in this world the more guys are gonna hit on you.” I’m about to tell him that he’s wrong, that no one ever has been interested in me, but he keeps going. “And next time, I want you to tell them that you’re mine, and I don’t share.”

A zip of electricity courses through my body making my thighs clench. How did he turn from so sweet to so sexy in a split second?

“My bad for not mentioning it before. No need to get all worked up but now you know I’m not seeing anyone else and from now on, neither are you.” His voice is just as suave as usual when he asserts his order, and it renders me speechless.

I have to pick up my jaw off the floor and pause for a heartbeat before asking the question I might regret. “So, if you’re not seeing anyone else and I’m not seeing anyone else. What are we?”

He calmly puts his fork and knife back on the table and wipes his mouth with his napkin. He pulls his long sleeves up to his elbows. I notice he does this when he gets uncomfortable or anxious. Like he’s preparing for a fight but there’s no one to fight and no real danger. I admire his tattooed forearms but do my best to focus back on the conversation.

He looks deep in my eyes and I want to dive in his marine ones. He takes a deep breath before talking and I understand this is not easy for him.

“Look, I like you. I like you a lot, ‘Me. I want you to know what you’re getting yourself into before we start doing this,” he gestures at the table and the restaurant around us, “more and more. We’re not the same age. You still go to high school. People are gonna talk, your mom won’t agree, my friends will disapprove. Of course I want to be with you in public but it’s not gonna be easy. I want you to be sure you want to do this. This ain’t some stupid high school romance. I’m past that.”

I can’t start to describe the warmth that overtakes me as he talks. I suddenly feel adrenaline rushing through my body as I understand we both want the same thing. This is it; this is where I’m tracing a line. I’m choosing Nathan over Jake and whatever he makes me feel.

“I don’t care what anyone is going to say. And we both know my mom can’t really talk.” I grab his hand in mine. “I want this, Nathan, I promise.”

“Come over here,” he says, his voice not leaving me much of a choice.

I happily get up from my chair and walk to him, still holding his hand. He pulls me on his lap and captures my lips in a passionate kiss.

I’m overtaken by lust and love as I grab his face. He pulls away slightly, holding my waist.

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