Page 32 of Giving In

He offers his hand and I grab it to help myself up, shaking like a leaf.

I don’t know what I would have preferred, dying with my dignity or being alive and live with the humiliation of what just happened.

“Let’s go, Angel.”

He puts a hand on the small of my back as he helps me inside the car. I get in without complaining and wrap my arms around my body. I feel like the shivering is never going to stop. I’m cold to the core. I hate him. But I hate myself most, because now that I’m not overtaken by fear of death, I know exactly how my body was reacting to having him so close. To having his bodyweight crushing me. It was exactly the same as all the other times it reacted positively to Jake this week. I refuse to spell it out to myself, but my heart picks up at the idea of pleasure.

I need to see a shrink. A therapist. Someone needs to tell me that all of this was wrong, and that a game of cat and mouse isnotsexy. It’s dangerous and stupid. And with the wrong person, I could end up seriously hurt.

Jake starts the car as his phone rings. He connects it to the car speakers and starts driving away.

“Hey, babe,” he says sweetly.

“Where are you?” Camila’s voice resonates through the car and I break down in a silent sob against the door. Jake is back to his school’s favorite boy act.

That’s what Camila gets. She gets the sweet guy whose worst flaw is that he struggles to stay faithful.

I get the devil that drags you to the woods and threatens you with a gun.

“I just went to drop Rose home. I’ll be back soon,” he replies.

“Ok, hurry I miss you. Party’s still going but I’m ready to take you upstairs.”

“Mm, I can’t wait.” He hangs up and talks to me without even glancing at me. “Where to, Angel? Wanna go back to the party and keep hitting on Chris?”

“Home.” My voice is raspy and my throat hurts.

He turns to me and raises his eyebrows. “Is this really how you’re going to talk to me? Did our little time together not teach you anything?”

I hit my head against the window in frustration. “Please, Jake, just take me home...please”

He smiles and turns back to the road. “That’s more like it. Address.”

I tell him my address and he lazily puts it in the GPS.

I try to look at anything but him and finally settle on a dirty spot on the passenger window.

When he parks on the sidewalk in front of my house, I open my door as quickly as possible, but he grabs the back of my neck and drags me back in before I can get out fully.

“Are you gonna talk about Sam again, Angel?”

“Please don’t call me that.”

He tightens his grip and I wince. “I’ll call you whatever the fuck I want. Now answer my question.”

I take a deep breath, “No. No, I won’t.”

“Good girl. Really, that’s all I wanted from the beginning. It didn’t have to get to this point.” I can’t reply to him. Maybe I should have listened since the beginning?

No. No, Jamie. Don’t let him turn this around.

“You should get some rest. And you know what, I think those parties really aren’t for you. Let me not catch you at another one.”

He doesn’t release his grip and I shift in my seat. “Can I go now?”

In an unexpected gesture, he pulls my head closer to his and drops a soft kiss on my temple.

“Goodnight, Angel,” he says as he finally releases my neck. I don’t move for a few seconds, frozen by the shock of his gesture.

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