Page 26 of Cruel Charming Psychos (Necessary Evils 2)

I can’t shake the thoughts from my head. I keep playing scenarios in my mind about how it all went down, and why. When I think back to the last thing he said to me, he looked terrified, as if he had seen a ghost on those videos. And then I think that one of the last things he ever saw was the surveillance video of me stabbing Carter in the chest. He saw me for exactly who I was, and he still wanted to save me. So, the question is,what in the hell was he trying to save me from?

A hand falls to the small of my back, reminding me that I’m not alone. I can’t quite make sense of why Nick decided to come down here with me. After all, he didn’t like Asher and he certainly didn’t trust him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to get closer?” he questions lowly, almost in a whisper as if he believes that if he speaks any louder, I’ll scream. “I don’t mind if you do.”

Your father killed him so I think it would be in poor taste if we intruded,is what I want to say, but I don’t. I don’t have the energy to fight with him right now. “I’m fine right here.”

He removes his hand from my back, but I can still feel him right behind me. He’s close and he’s distant, a paradox of sorts. It’s like he doesn’t know how to comfort me or even if he wants to but settles on placing his hand upon my shoulder. I instinctively raise my own hand to meet his and for the shortest of beats, everything seems right in the world.

I’ve obviously lost my fucking mind. Grief has a way of changing what you think you know. Just the same, it has the tendency to muddy the waters. All I know right now is that I’m grateful that he’s here with me, even if I can’t make sense of why he’s here in the first place. I think back to when I first met Asher. I was grateful for him too. Maybe that means my mother has been right about me all along, that all I need is someone to be there for me. If that’s true, then I’m selfish, but being selfish isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Nick and I watch in silent as the crowd says their last goodbyes and slowly begins to disperse until all that’s left is the funeral director and the casket. I break away from the spot I’ve been standing in for a good hour. I pass rows of graves and stop at one in particular that is adorned with a fresh vase of roses. I make sure nobody is watching before grabbing a single rose from the bouquet.

Nick doesn’t follow as I approach the gravesite.

When I arrive, the wind seems to still. Birds can be heard chirping in the sky and that’s just about all I hear. My vision narrows in on the closed casket and a part of me wishes that I could just see his face one last time, but I know that’d only make it worse.

I gently lay the rose down on top of the casket. The dark cherry color contrasts sharply against the deep grey. I then place my hand beside the flower and close my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ash.”

After a few deep breaths, I open my eyes to find the funeral director looking at me. His eyes are painted with empathy, or perhaps pity. I imagine that he’s been driven cold by the constant sadness around him. I can’t imagine having his job and having to deal with the emotions the dead bestow upon the living daily. In his mind, I’m probably some friend or cousin that can’t say goodbye and that’s why I’m still here after everyone else.

I was that girl once. In the frozen depths of winter, I fell onto my hands and knees, clawing at the snow beneath me beside my father’s grave. My mother dragged me out of that place, kicking and screaming. That was the last time I was there as I could never find the strength to return to the place where I left my heart and soul all those years ago.

The man looks away and I consider staying for a moment longer, but when Nick’s shadow passes close behind me, I know that it’s time to go.

* * *

The keys clatter against the door as I try to work the apartment key into the doorknob. I shift the weight of my body against the door to try getting leverage. “Sometimes, you just have to force it.”

“Are you sure he didn’t change the lock?” Nick questions as he looks nervously over his shoulder. “Are you even sure this is the right place? They all look exactly the same.”

“I lived here for two years. I’m absolutely sure this is the right place.” The key finally turns. The weight of my body forces the door to crack open. “It’s always been fidgety. We tried getting the landlord to fix it, but landlords aren’t the greatest in college towns.”

“Yeah, whatever you say. Can we please just get inside before someone sees us?”

“Relax.” I step inside, and almost as soon as I do, Nick closes the door gently behind us.

It’s dark inside, and a little too warm for comfort. Asher was always anal about turning off all the lights and making sure the air conditioning was off when nobody was home. That’s because he’s the one that always paid the bills. I served drinks at a diner down the street, but all that money went to tuition. It’s not like a girl that kills someone and runs away from her home is a prime candidate for scholarships.

I flip on the kitchen light.

“I have all the money in the world. Why don’t we just stay at a nice hotel downtown?”

“Because I want to make sure I get all my things before this place is cleaned out for good.”

“And you’re not worried about getting caught?”

“Doing what?” I brace myself against the kitchen counter. “This is my apartment too. My name is on the lease which also means I’m going to be liable for it now that he’s gone but my credit is already in the gutter so what do I care?”

“Your friend was murdered, Addison. The police are going to be looking into anything and everything. Your presence here isn’t a smart idea right now because you were at the party when he died.”

“We’re not talking about this right now.” I shake my head and leave him in the kitchen as I make my way towards the bedroom at the end of a short hallway.

The door is cracked open, and I hesitate for a moment to step inside. When I do, I’m flooded by a sea of memories. Short little moments of laughter and comfort. Asher and I were never overtly sexual in our time together. The bond we shared was almost platonic in nature, but he adored me completely. I wish I could say the same in return. Beside the bed that we shared together is a photograph of the two of us at the top of a Ferris wheel.

I check the clock on the wall. It’s a little past six. Even though the sun is still shining outside, I find myself wanting to fall onto the bed and sleep. I drop down onto the side of the bed, the mattress depressing underneath the weight of my body. I grip the edge of the bed and exhale sharply. It’s haunting to be here in this room without Asher. As I kick my feet onto the end of the bed and rotate my body to stare at the ceiling, the bedroom door cracks open.

Nick walks in with hesitancy at first, and then there’s something burning in his eyes. He closes the door behind him before climbing into the bed beside me. And then he’s rolling over onto his side, his eyes waging war with mine. And then his hand is combing through my hair, and then his lips are pressed against mine. Soft at first, and then something feral. He rolls on top of me and wedges himself between my thighs, begins gyrating against my body.

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