Page 17 of #Beautiful

I nod as an older hand replaces mine on the rag, and firm hands grab my arms and guide me out of the bathroom as the first tear falls. It isn’t until the paramedics are carrying Lena downstairs on a stretcher that I even realize Jackson is talking to me.

“What the hell happened, man?”

Everything comes back, and I glance over at the composition book on Lena’s bed, my fear being replaced with anger. Snarling, I shove my best friend back and grab the damn book, hauling my ass downstairs where everyone is standing and whispering as they watch the ambulance sitting out front.

“Oh my god, Declan, what happened?” Gretchen says loudly getting my attention.

“You,” I snarl, my blood boiling the moment my eyes land on her face, “you and Torrey did this shit!” As I take clobering steps toward her, the heat rising up my neck, Justus and Jackson grab my arms as I stop in front of her, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she yells in my face.

I hold the composition book up. Her eyes dart to it and fill with more tears. “This. This is your fucking fault!”

“W-we were only tr-trying to help,” Gretchen says as the tears spill down her cheeks.

I open my mouth until someone snatches the book from my hands. Growling, I turn only to stop short as my sister opens it and skims the pages, flipping through, her eyes growing wider with each page. On the fifth or sixth page, she slowly brings her gaze up to pin Gretchen with a stare that could kill men with twice my resolve.

“You taught her how to manage an eating disorder?” She sneers in contempt at the other girl. “These logs . . .she’s hardly eating enough calories to hit half of what is considered deprivation. And she’s throwing at least half of that up. How the hell did you think this was helping her?”

Gretchen collapses into the chair behind her. “She met us in the gym one day, told us about what that girl Jackie said to her, about how she overheard Declan in the library saying how she was as fat as a hippo. She said she purged a few times, not even really knowing what she was doing, but that it made her feel better. Torrey and I, that’s how we got into this, and we both stay healthy, we’re fine, so we just wanted to help.”

Gritting my teeth, I shrug out of Justus and Jackson’s hold and glare down at Gretchen. “Yeah, well you better fucking pray my girlfriend is okay. Because if she isn’t, I will bring the entire world down on your fucking head, so help me, God. And as of today, you will never, and I mean never, speak to Lena again. And you can tell Torrey the same. I don’t ever want to see or hear from either of you, and if you know what’s good for you, neither of you will ever come near Lena, or I’ll make sure you don’t stay at this school for another semester.”

Snatching the book back from my sister, I turn and run out the door, pulling my keys from my pocket. I need to be there when Lena is able to talk, and she needs to know this isn’t the way. I can’t let her give in to whatever this is, just like I wouldn’t let her give in to harming herself when I first met her.

I will not lose her like this.

Chapter 15 - Lena

I didn’t expect to wake up in the hospital alone. At the same time, if Declan washed his hands of me and all the issues I’m pretty sure I’m about to flood his life with, I wouldn’t even blame him. Turns out he’s stubborn, though. He’s here and has been since they brought me in yesterday, which means he missed classes today. The doctors said he couldn’t come back to my room until I was awake and they spoke to me.

Apparently, six in the morning is the time the doctors want to speak to me.

“Lena,” the woman says sternly, standing at the end of my hospital bed, “you need to be hospitalized.”

I scoff. “No. You’ve said the same thing for last five minutes, and my answer is still no. I can get therapy on my own with my boyfriend and friends’ help, and I’m agreeing to sign myself into the psychiatric ward.”

She looks at the male doctor and rolls her eyes.

“You know what, doctors? You can go. I don’t wish to stay at the hospital, so I want my discharge so my boyfriend can take me home. Now.”

Without saying anything else, they turn and leave the room. I know now that I have an issue, but I don’t think it’s bad enough that I need to be in-patient. Plus, the doctor didn’t have to be such a jerk. Picking at my nails, I wonder if she’s like that with all her patients or just ones like me.

“You know, in-patient might not be so bad,” Declan says, and my head snaps up to find him in the doorway, leaning against the jam with his arms crossed over his chest.

Tears well in my eyes. I know he’s angry. Maybe he has a right to be. I lied to him, and I didn’t maintain my purging, even though I thought I was, and now we’re here. “This won’t happen again, Declan, I promise. I’ll keep better track, figure out new foods, I—”

“You’re right, it won’t,” he says in a low voice that he’s never used before that scares me, “because it stops now, Lena.”

“But, Declan, it’s not that bad, it just—”

“No,” he snaps, raising his voice. “I am not Torrey and Gretchen, and you cannot convince me that Bulimia is okay. Do you understand me?”

The tears spill over as I nod, tangling my fingers together in my lap. The bed indents next to me, and then a finger presses under my chin, gently forcing me to look up. The look in Declan’s eyes makes my heart hurt.

“Baby, I don’t know why you went this route, but you can’t keep doing this. Torrey and Gretchen need help, too. You guys are sick. I can’t do anything about them, but you, I’m hoping I can.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I whisper as the gravity of his words and the situation I’ve put myself in hits me, though, even I can tell this isn’t the worst of how I’m going to feel.

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