Page 35 of #Beautiful

Plus, if I’m being a hundred percent honest with myself—and my therapist and group counselor both say I should always be honest with myself, even when I can’t be honest with others— I’m not really comfortable going on vacation with the way I look. I know Declan doesn’t care, but lately, I’ve cared. I want to look nice and sexy, not just for him but for me.

So that explains, at least to myself, why I dipped out of clean up duty and spent fifteen minutes on my knees in front of the toilet. I kinda moved on autopilot after that because before I knew it, I brushed my teeth, rinsed my face, eye drops in because purging makes my eyes water and that makes them red, and then I opened my notes on my phone and just logged the time and date. I’m not going to go all crazy again with exact foods and calories because, yes, that was overboard before. But just simple little logging can’t hurt anything.

Trainers and stuff log calories, too, so it isn’t weird. My taking it to the extreme was weird. But, I’m not doing that again. Right now, the goal is just fifteen-ish pounds so that I can have some confidence in the bathing suit I bought, and in the little dresses for dinner with my fiancé. Wow, that still feels strange to think. No more boyfriend title. Declan is my fiancé.

A heavy knock on the bathroom door makes me jump from where I’m perched on the side of the tub. Checking my phone, I cuss under my breath. I’ve been in here for over a half hour. Getting up, I unlock the door and open it— not the least bit surprised at the stern expression on Declan’s face as he shoves the door fully open.

“Lena, you okay?” His eyes are tight, and it’s so obvious he’s worried and trying not to come off mean.

I put my hand on his chest but not where his new tattoo is. “Yeah. I just got lost in my thoughts and didn’t realize how much time passed.”

The entirety of his face softens with a sigh, and he puts his hand on the side of my neck, gently squeezing. “Anything you want to talk about?”

A small smile takes over my lips. “You know it just dawned on me I can’t call you my boyfriend anymore?”

The last thing I expect is the deep laugh that rumbles from his chest. “Yeah. Fiancée is a term we’re both going to have to get used to. Unless you just want to elope and go right to being my wife.”

“Don’t tempt me,” I say as I lean in and wrap my arms around him.

I’m aware that Declan trusts me too much, and that hiding my purge from him is messed up. But this isn’t like during the semester, and I’m not going to let it get out of hand. Yes, technically it’s lying, but it’s only because he worries so much, and I’ve already stressed him out enough this year. I don’t want to do that again or make a big deal out of nothing. There’s no point in making him pull his hair out over something that’s temporary and unimportant.

“So,” he says with his lips against the top of my head, “what are we going to do until it is time for the vacation of all vacations?”

“Hmm, well, that depends.” Leaning back, I tilt my head and smirk at him.

“On what?” Declan’s brows pull together.

“Whether you want to elope or not.”

Declan’s eyes narrow and darken, a kind of growl rumbling through his chest as he turns and laces his fingers in my hair. “You might be the death of me Magdalena Harrison.”

Pushing onto my tippy toes, I run my hands across the side of his neck and lace them behind his head, gently pulling him toward me. “I hope not.”

Our lips meet and for the briefest of moments, everything in my world is right and perfect, and exactly how it should be. When Declan pulls away, I sigh, wishing we could stay in this little bubble for the next six months or more until everything on the outside is better again.

“I’ll be downstairs, babe,” he says, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Take as long as you need. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” And I stay right in the bathroom doorway until he closes the bedroom door behind him.

Turning back to the bathroom, I lean my hands on the sink and stare at my reflection, and then the flood gates open out of nowhere, and I sink to the floor, sobbing and trying to keep quiet... and I don’t even know what the hell I’m upset about anymore.

Chapter 30 - Declan

“I can’t believe we’re in Italy,” Jackson says, putting his arm around my shoulder with a huge smile on his face as we head toward baggage claim. “This is going to be the most epic two weeks of my entire life.”

Chuckling, I shake my head. “Dude, this is the most epic two weeks of everyone’s lives. Now, calm down. You’re being a weirdo.”

Stepping up to the side of the conveyor belt, something lightly touches my arm. Glancing down, I’m kinda stunned for a second as Lena stares up at me. Damn, she’s beautiful. As she opens her mouth, probably to say something, I lean down and kiss her, hard. She makes a little squeak in surprise, jumping a tad before her arms go around my neck, and she opens her lips to let my tongue find hers.

Pulling away after a few moments, she blinks, her eyes never leaving my face. “What was that for?”

I shake my head and reach over to tuck her hair behind her ears. “Because I love you.”

Lena blushes as she mashes her lips together. “Love you, too.”

Chuckling again, I stand up and give her a little space. I’m aware now that I can be a tad overbearing with her, and right now, it isn’t always a good thing while she’s recovering and healing. “You were going to say something before I kissed you. What was it?”

This make her snicker, too. “I was going to ask if you can grab my bag while I use the restroom.”

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