Page 153 of Pride High

“Husband?” Anthony repeated, still hung up on that part of the conversation.

“Oh dear,” Charles said, raising a hand to his mouth. “Youdidexplain to him that I’m a homosexual, didn’t you?”

Anthony laughed. “It’s just so good to hear a man speak those words.My husband…I mean, me and Cameron joke about getting married but—” He swallowed before continuing. “—you make it sound real.”

“I hope someday it will be a much more common story,” Charles said gently. “I’m just as moved to see two young people in love. That was nearly impossible when I was your age. Perhaps not the feelings, but the idea of having a boyfriend in high school…” He shook his head while exhaling. “Be still my heart!”

Cameron reached over to take Anthony’s hand. “I wasn’t sure it would ever happen. He’s my little miracle.”

“You are both shimmering beacons of hope,” Charles said fondly. Then he began patting himself. “In fact, where did I put my sunglasses? I can only handle so much brilliance at this hour.”

They laughed and continued chatting, slowly finishing the sandwiches while sipping tea.

“I have to use the little boys’ room,” Cameron said eventually. “Let me take everything back on the way.”

Anthony helped him load up the tray and offered to help him in the kitchen, but Cameron wouldn’t hear of it. Anthony was left in the sunroom with their host.

“Alone at last,” Charles said. “This is where our friendship truly begins. Ask away!”

“How did you know that I have questions?”

“I can see the gears spinning behind those lovely green eyes of yours. Don’t be shy. Cameron wants us to get to know each other.”

Anthony hesitated. “This is probably a dumb question, but are you a drag queen?”

“No, darling. Drag is performance art. This is who I am.”

“I love the way you dress,” Anthony said. “You’re gorgeous! I’ve never seen anyone like you before. Do you wish that you were a woman? Like a—I don’t know—a transvestite I guess?”

“We’re under the right umbrella,” Charles said. “Drag queens and transvestites all engage in crossdressing. For someone who is transgendered, the need goes deeper than clothing. When I was growing up, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. That’s not so unusual for a young person, but I felt like I’d woken up in the wrong story. The clothing and culture I was expected to embrace were a complete mismatch. Imagine if a basketball player was forced to wear football gearandplay by those rules on the court. Even if he managed somehow, he’d constantly be longing for something different. I was too. So I experimented over the years until I finally found a balance that made me feel comfortable and complete.”

“Why didn’t you change your name?”

“To something more feminine?”

“Yeah. Did I mess up when I called you a man earlier? Because I didn’t mean to offend.”

Charles was already waving away his concerns. “My journey wasn’t about traveling from one extreme to another. I belong somewhere in the middle. My name is familiar to me. I’ve always been comfortable with it, so why should it change? And when it comes to pronouns or other gender indicators, I’ve never been fussed either way. I don’t need people to reaffirm my identity. I only want them to respect it.”

“That must be hard,” Anthony said. “I mean… Do you go around town dressed like that?”

“Do you?” Charles replied with a twinkle in his eye.

Anthony laughed. “Yeah.”

“And I’m sure on occasion you get comments or funny looks.” Charles ran a finger around the edge of his teacup, as if wanting to summon music from it. “I do tire of people’s judgments, be they silent or spoken, but at the end of the day, there’s only one person I must answer to. Myself. It’ll be the same for you. Family and friends will come and go, especially as you grow older. The only person you’re guaranteed to spend your entire life with is right here." He tapped the side of his head. “Be your own best friend. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes, and hold yourself accountable when you aren’t living up to your potential. Most important of all, always be kind to yourself. You’ll find enough adversity and judgment in the outside world. Why subject yourself to even more? As for other people, don’t waste energy on anyone who doesn’t approve of you. They probably dislike themselves, which is punishment enough. I wouldn’t wish that on my own worst enemy.”

Anthony took a deep breath. “I’ll try. But it’s hard.”

“It’ll get easier with practice. Although it sounds as if you’re off to a good start.” Charles leaned forward with sparkling eyes. “Tell me what it’s like to be a gay teenager in the nineties! I’ve heard Cameron’s version, but he’s an old soul. I often forget that we’re different ages at all. So what’s it really like?”

Anthony told his story. Cameron returned in the middle of it and weighed in on occasion while sitting next to him. They went inside afterwards, where Charles was happy to provide a tour. His treasures seemed to be valued more for the memories associated with them, rather than how valuable or rare each item was. The minutes seemed to fly by, Anthony wishing he could stop the clock, because for the first time in his life, he felt like he’d finally found the place where he belonged.

CHAPTER 34

November 18th, 1992

Ricky was on the soccer field again and doing his best to remain focused on the game. He was no longer among the last to be chosen when teams were formed. Today he had ended up on the shirtless side, his skin tight and his nipples hard from the cold. Couldn’t the school buy different-colored jerseys they could wear? It was the middle of November! Kansans were crazy. And speaking of which, Diego was on the same team as him for the first time, which was uncomfortable. Especially because he was acting so weird.

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