“If I loved you?”
“Yes.”
“It’s a waste of time to talk about something I can’t make happen.”
“You know what I think? I don’t think it could be much better than it is right now. Now is very good.”
“But it’s not going to last. When our six months are over, so is this marriage. I couldn’t live with myself if I had to watch you grow bitter because I can’t give you what you deserve. I can’t give you love. I won’t give you children. These are things you need, Daisy. That’s the kind of woman you are, and you’ll wither without them.”
His words set off small detonations of pain inside her, but she wasn’t going to punish him for his honesty by attacking him because of her hurt. She also knew she couldn’t take any more at the moment, so she changed the subject. “Do you know what I want?”
“I’d guess a few weeks at a pricey resort and a manicure.”
“No. I want to be a kindergarten teacher.”
“You do?”
“Silly, isn’t it? I’d have to go to college, and I’m too old for that. By the time I graduated, I’d be past thirty.”
“How old will you be if you don’t go to college?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“The years are still going to pass, whether you go to college or not.”
“Are you seriously telling me you think I should do it?”
“I don’t know why not.”
“Because I’ve had enough failure in my life, and I really don’t want to go through any more. I know I’m intelligent, but my schooling’s been slipshod at best, and I’m completely undisciplined. I can’t imagine competing in a college classroom with a lot of bright-eyed eighteen-year-olds who’ve had conventional educations.”
“Maybe it’s time you stopped selling yourself short. Don’t forget that you’re a lady who can tame tigers.” He gave her a mysterious smile that made her wonder exactly which tiger he was talking about—Sinjun or himself. But, no, Alex was too arrogant ever to think of himself as tamed.
She spotted a series of arrows stapled to a utility pole. “There’s a turn ahead.”
Finding circus routing arrows was as natural to Alex as breathing, and she suspected he’d already seen them, but he nodded. The rain was coming down harder, and he flipped the windshield wipers to high speed.
“I don’t suppose we’re lucky enough to be performing on a nice asphalt surface today,” she said.
“Afraid not. We’re in a field.”
“I guess I’m going to learn firsthand why circuses like Quest Brothers are called mud shows. I just hope the rain doesn’t upset the animals.”
“They’ll be fine. It’s the workers who’ll suffer most.”
“And you. You’ll be right out there with them. You always are.”
“It’s my job.”
“A strange job for the man who would be czar.” She gave him a sideways gaze. If he thought she’d forgotten about this particular subject, he was dead wrong.
“Are we back to that again?”
“Just tell me the truth, and I won’t mention it again.”
“Is that a promise?”
“I swear.”