Page 121 of The Highlander Who Protected Me

“Because Ididfail you,” he growled.

“That’s a demented way to think, and it’s the product of the shame you seem to feel about your injury.”

He flinched but quickly recovered. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “You think what happened to you makes you weak, like you are not a whole man because of it. You can’t bear to ask for help because you believe people—including your family—will think less of you. ThatIwill think less of you.”

His gaze darted off, narrowing on the fire. He studied it with a ferocity that conveyed an inner battle raging in his soul. She could only pray it would tip in her favor.

The seconds passed, marked by the quiet tick of the mantel clock and the hiss of coals in the grate. Dismay hollowed her stomach at the lengthening silence and the shuttered expression on his face. She’d pushed Royal, wanting him to open up and share the hidden parts of his life, as she’d shared her deepest secrets with him. But perhaps some wounds ran too bloody and deep for that.

And perhaps some words, no matter how honest or true, were too bitter and ugly to ever be said.

“Royal, I’m—”

“I was left for dead on the battlefield for hours,” he interrupted in an oddly flat voice. “Overnight, in fact. A soldier rolled me into a ditch and left me there.”

Her stomach lurched into her throat.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m not strong enough to hear this.

But she had to be strong for him. For them both. “They didn’t check to see if you were alive?”

He gave a credibly nonchalant shrug. “It was utter chaos when I went down. I’d been lucky until then. My arm had been winged in the mess at Quatre Bras a few days before, but I was still relatively untouched. After we marched to Waterloo and took up our position, we faced heavy artillery fire and direct attacks from the French troops. I was wounded during one of those later cavalry attacks.”

“How did it happen?” she softly asked.

“I caught a lance in the thigh.” His mouth twisted in a travesty of a smile. “Didn’t even see the French lancer coming at me. I was caught outside the square, you see, hacking and slashing away like an idiot. Fighting like the wild Highlander that I was, as you would say.”

Her heart ached for him. “I’m sure you were simply trying to survive in desperate circumstances.”

His nod was somber. “You have the right of it, lass. It was carnage. We were all just trying to stay alive, including the French.”

“But how could your men just leave you there, wounded like that? You weren’t unconscious, were you?”

“Not at that point, no. A British infantryman shot the soldier who lanced me, and then pulled me back into the square. A couple of fellows tried to get me to the back of the line, but we were overrun by a regiment of Cuirassiers.” He grimaced. “And when I say overrun, I mean overrun.”

“By horses?” she asked, horrified.

“Yes. One trampled my wounded thigh. What were the odds of that?”

Words utterly failed her. Her imagination failed her too, mostly because she couldn’t bear the thought of him in such horrific straits. For several terrifying moments, Ainsley couldn’t catch her breath.

“Sweetheart,” Royal said, gently cupping her cheek. “It’s all right. I’m here, and I’m well.”

“I know. I . . . it’s just that I’m so terribly sorry you had to endure such a horror.”

“Are you sure you wish to hear the rest?”

She stiffened her spine, mentally and physically. “If you could live through it, then I can certainly hear about it.”

He nodded and withdrew his hand. She missed his warmth, but sensed that he needed to retreat a bit to finish the tale.

“Needless to say, the pain from the encounter with that bloody big horse put me right out. When I awoke, I found myself halfway under a hedge, with no idea how I’d gotten there. My regiment was well gone, taking part in the final advance against the French army, as I later learned. I managed to crawl a few feet, but all I could see were dead bodies, both horses and men. And I was so weak at that point I could scarcely move. Night was falling and I had no idea which direction to go in, anyway.”

Ainsley swallowed against a sudden rush of tears. “You must have felt so terribly alone there in the dark.” After her assault, shehatedbeing alone in the dark.

“I wasn’t alone for long,” he said dryly. “Nightfall was when the scavengers came out.”

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