Page 101 of Nuclear Option (Owens Protective Services)

I was tired of being blamed for everything around here. This was getting ridiculous. “How do you know it’s me and not him?”

“Because Cash owns up to his flaws. It’s probably the best and worst thing about him. He knows when he’s being too demanding, but he doesn’t give a fuck. He owns it. But he also recognizes when he’s done something wrong. That’s a very rare quality in any man.”

“But he’s asking for things I’m not ready to give.”

“Then you have to work it out with him, but either give him all or give him nothing. There’s no in-between for a man like that.”

Without another word, she slipped out of the truck. Moments later, Cash opened the door and got in. We drove to the end of the parking lot and got out, still not speaking. Cash handed the room keys off to Rae and Jones, then jerked his head at our door.

He held his hand out for me to wait, then pulled his gun and cleared the room. Rae shot me a knowing look, waiting to go into her own room until Cash came back out.

“We’ll see you in the morning,” he said as he came out. “We leave at seven.”

“Will do, boss.”

And then I was left alone with Cash. Slipping past him, I walked into the room and stared at the two beds. I was suddenly extremely uncomfortable, wondering if I was going to sleep in bed with him, or if he would sleep alone. I didn’t want this rift between us, but I couldn’t do as Rae asked. How could I give an answer about a future I was so uncertain of?

“Why don’t you take a shower?”

“Cash,” I said as I turned around, “about before—”

“Save it. We have other things to worry about.”

“But I want to clarify something.”

“I think you were pretty damn clear,” he said, his voice cold as he stared at me. “I have work to do.”

With that, he turned and sat at the cheap wood desk by the window, effectively cutting me off. With nothing more to say, I went into the bathroom and shut the door. Sitting on the toilet, I rested my head in my hand and tried to figure out where to go from here. I wanted him, that much was true. Why couldn’t he see that I needed time? I couldn’t just commit my life to him when I’d lived so little of it without fear. I needed to stand on my own two feet.

I pulled myself together, wiping at the stray tears on my face before undressing. My shoulder was feeling better, though still pretty immobile. The heat from the spray would help loosen the muscles. I turned on the water and allowed it to heat up before stepping inside. Closing my eyes, I let the water slide over my face, washing away the stress of the last few days.

Strong hands slipped around my waist, pulling me back into the muscular body I knew all too well. I’d missed the warmth and comfort he provided. Resting my head back on his shoulder, I didn’t know if anything would be solved between us, but just knowing he wasn’t shutting me out eased something inside me.

I turned in his arms and wrapped my own around his waist, resting my head against his chest. The steady thump of his heart calmed me in a way I’d never felt before. He slid my hair over my shoulder and his hand trailed down my back in soothing strokes.

“I’m sorry I’m an ass.”

I looked up at him, the water dripping down the front of my face. As I stared into his eyes, I could see the uncertainty lingering there, and it made me feel terrible. “I do want you, Cash.”

“I know,” he said, his voice resigned. “I like a plan.” His eyes flicked over my head and he chuckled. “No, I need a plan. It’s who I am, so hearing that you’re unsure of what you want gives me hives.”

“I would love to be able to plan out our whole future with you. I want you more than you know, but my life has been nothing but chaos. I can’t remember the last time I did something just for me.” I stared up at him, hoping he would understand. “You have to give me time,” I said insistently. “I know this isn’t fair to you, but when this is over—”

“I know,” he whispered, cupping my cheek with his palm. “I get it, even if I don’t like it.”

“So…where does that leave us?”

He shrugged slightly. “I still want you. That won’t change. I hope you choose me, but if it’s not what you want, I’ll deal with it.”

For just a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer in his eyes, but it was gone in the blink of an eye. I knew I wasn’t being fair, even potentially breaking his heart. But the other part of me warned that I couldn’t possibly be breaking his heart. We didn’t know each other well enough to have that sort of connection. Yes, I was attracted to him. I wanted him more than anything. But what happened when this was all over? Would we be compatible? There were so many things I needed answered before I made any decisions.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine in a searing kiss. There was nothing gentle about Cash. He took what he wanted and left no room for arguments. And as he carried me out of the shower and took me on the bed, I knew deep in my heart that no matter what I decided, Cash would be ingrained in my soul permanently.

32

CASH

“I don’t like this,”Jones muttered beside me as we scoped out the property. We left Fox and Rae with Eva to protect her while Jones and I retrieved the evidence. “We’re too fucking close to this operation.”

---