Page 93 of Whenever You Call

“I know what I see, so cut the bullshit. You’ve fallen in love with her.”

It was my turn to blanch, my brows rising, but no matter how many times I opened my mouth to deny it, the words wouldn’t fall out.

Had I? Did IloveHannah?

The truth hit me right in the gut, winding me and forcing my gaze to shift from Jerry to the windscreen in front of me instead.

After having zero emotional connection with any woman from my past, no matter how many months or years we’d spent together, I’d finally fallen in love with someone. Someone I couldn’t have, and someone who definitely deserved better, but still…

“Shit… I… I don’t know, man,” I whispered, closing my eyes at the tragedy of it all as I reached up to grip the steering wheel and bowed my head. “Maybe I have.”

I stayed that way for a while, not caring about Jerry’s presence beside me until I felt his hand upon my back, and the slow, gentle pats he placed there.

“Ah, hell, LT. What did you have to go and do that for?” he eventually said with a sigh.

“God only knows,” I whispered. “God. Only. Knows.”

“Do you think she feels the same way?”

Opening my eyes, I sat back into my seat, turning to face him. “Not anymore.”

“There’s a story that needs telling here, isn’t there?”

“Yep. Only problem is, I don’t know the ending.”

“Let’s figure it out over a beer. You can tell me everything, and I promise, I won’t judge you no matter how fucked up this gets.”

I raised my brow, letting that say everything I needed to say, only for him to smirk in response.

“Well… maybe I’ll judge you a little bit.” He winked.

And even though talking to yet another person about any of this was the last thing on earth I wanted to do, I couldn’t deny him the truth anymore.

I’d finally fallen in love, and it already hurt so much worse than I ever thought it could.

Chapter36

HANNAH

Bella loved Seattle.

Discovering the roots of her parents made her eyes light up with a hunger for more, and she talked non-stop about her daddy throughout the trip, trying to soak in as much information as she possibly could about him.

I gave her everything I remembered. All the good moments we’d shared together before they’d slowly turned bad. I took us on a trip down the memory lane of Cole’s and my youth. Back in our home state, Los Angeles faded away, bringing happier times to the forefront of my mind. I showed Bella the place her father and I first met. I’d told her the story of how he’d been, even back then, and his abilities to command everyone’s attention with nothing more than his presence, especially mine. I forgot about the scandal, remembering the first time Cole kissed me, making me feel like the luckiest girl alive.

I’d been the blonde-haired, down-and-out, poor girl in a neighborhood full of more affluent people who had always had their two-point-four families around them. Cole had been the hottest bad boy in the city and the first person I’d met who understood what it felt like to be given up on by the very people who should have loved you the most.

I’d seen something in him, and he’d seen it in me.

Familiarity.

It was only now that I understood that, even though the chemistry between us had been undeniable in the beginning, we’d both mistaken that familiarity for love. We’d mistaken lust for a forever connection that couldn’t possibly last the test of time.

The truth of that sank in the further I got into our story for Bella. The more questions she asked about her father, and the more I answered honestly, the more I realized that Cole and I had been far too young and broken inside to understand what we’d truly wanted at the time. He’d always had his heart set on stardom, and I only had my heart set on him—the very first person to show me what real love could possibly feel like—who always stuck around and got excited about having a future with me instead of trying to run away.

Except he’d run away eventually. His heart had left me a long time ago, even if his body had chosen to stay out of duty to me, his daughter, or his image—I would never know. Yet, I’d clung to that feeling of belonging as though I’d die without it, even if staying killed me slowly.

I believed he had loved me, but being in love was something different entirely, and maybe we’d never quite reached that part together. And even though Bella and I may have left the weight of Los Angeles behind us, a new heaviness settled in my stomach after a week in Seattle. I’d wasted years of my life doing what I thought Ishoulddo instead of what made me happy. I’d wasted years of my life being with someone I knew deep down in my heart wasn’t right for me. I’d just been too much of a coward to find a way out.

---