Page 86 of Whenever You Call

HANNAH

Ilost count of how many times I’d read his messages.

My fingers itched to reply every time, remembering the Logan I thought I knew for just a moment before the memory of the kiss haunted me, quickly followed by his life-changing truth falling free.

I’d gone through every scenario in my mind.

He’d let Cole die on purpose so he could get close to me and Bella, for what, I couldn’t figure out. Money? Fame? Security? But every time I allowed that to grow even a tiny bit, my heart shut it down, knowing that, even though I was mad at him, that wasn’t who he was.

I moved onto him being a rabid fan of Envy-98 and wanting a part of Cole’s life in any way he could get it, to him being an undercover reporter that had infiltrated my life to get the truth for the world to hear at his hands. Both of those didn’t hold any weight, either. It was all I could focus on, finding a reasonwhyhe’d entered my life, and I would not rest until I got the answers I needed.

But the thing I’d been most desperate to know since the day Cole died?

Had he managed to say anything to the people who found him before he died? Had he said Bella’s name or had mine passed his lips? Was there any regret in his heart, or was he happy to have lived fast and died young, just as he always swore that he would?

Knowing Logan had the ability to answer those questions should have thrilled me, but all I felt was a sick sense of dread.

Two days passed of feeling numb, followed by another three where it felt like I’d begun to grieve two people instead of just one. Time ticked on, and I tried to hide my heartache from Bella and Livia, convincing Liv especially that my melancholy came from Cole and the claims that he’d gotten some other woman pregnant.

The truth was, I’d barely thought about that scandal. Logan had taken over all my thoughts.

I thought Livia had bought the lie, too until a full week passed us by without the mention of Logan, and she’d caught me in the pool, trying to outswim my pain.

I emerged from the water and grabbed hold of the side of the pool, only to be met by a knelt-down Livia with her hands on her knees, and her knowing face in place. She gave me three chances to tell her what was going on, and by the time I’d gotten around to her final countdown of one, I sagged back into the water and groaned.

That’s the problem with casting yourself out into the ocean and declaring yourself an island: life got lonely, and loneliness created even more heartache until it became impossible to outswim.

Once out of the water, Liv guided me to my favorite spot under the canopy, hiding us away from the melting sun. Two glasses of chilled wine waited at the outdoor coffee table when we took our seats.

Livia had always been thorough.

“Okay, Hannah. I love you, and I know when something’s wrong. It’s time to talk,” she said. “You’re not leaving until you’ve told me what’s going on. Is it about your friend? Logan?”

“What makes you think that?”

She tilted her head and raised her brows. “Are we really going to do this?”

“I guess not.” I sighed, knowing any resistance was pointless at that point.

So, I told her everything that had happened over the last few months. Everything… minus the kiss.

God, that kiss.

The sensuality, mixed with a tenderness I’d never experienced had blown my mind, making me sink into Logan’s body as though I wanted to crawl inside him. That kiss had become the thing that haunted me the most, making me feel stupider than I already did.

I’d gone from finally being at peace the moment our lips met to falling into the darkest depths of hellish torment, unable to understand why good things never seemed to last. It was always a fleeting moment of pure serenity before some jackass pulled the rug from under my feet and brought me back down to earth with a bang.

I just never thought Logan would be that jackass.

“How much of an idiot have I been?” I asked Livia once I’d finished filling her in.

“You’re not an idiot, sweetheart.”

“Really?”

“Look, it’s no secret I loved Cole. He gave me a home with you guys when I thought I was all out of options.” Her eyes rose to meet mine. “But that doesn’t mean I was blind to everything he put you through. In so many ways, he was the best man I knew. He gave everything to anyone, even when they didn’t ask it of him. He threw his money around like it grew on the trees in this yard, and he never once asked anyone for a cent of that money back once it was gone. But Cole was generous withthingsonly to be cruel with his time and even crueler with your heart. It hurt me to watch you suffer through the years and be forced to turn a blind eye because of Bella. It hurts my heart even more watching you have to deal with the consequences of Cole’s decisions now he isn’t here. I ache for you every time another story comes out.”

“I’m sorry you’re in the middle of it, Liv.”

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