Page 57 of Whenever You Call

“Who knows?” I said instead. “It’s more about what scandal they have on Cole that will come back to bite me in the ass along the way.”

“Did that happen a lot…?” The ‘when he was alive’went unsaid.

“All the time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me, too, really. Somewhere along the way, I got dragged into this lifestyle and was told it was a good idea. Now that person who dragged me here is gone, and without him, I don’t know what I’m still doing here or where I belong anymore.”

“The sooner you learn, the sooner life will be on your terms again.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“That it’s time to take back control of your life. All those things you think you got wrong, put them right. All those things you wanted to do but never did, do them. You’re literally the captain of your own ship again. Steer that boat wherever the hell you want it to go.”

I rolled onto my back, running my free hand through my hair. He’d planted too many thoughts in my head for me to choose one to focus on, leaving me with nothing to do but groan in frustration. “Boats, Logan? Really?”

“Oh shit. Did I just try giving you a motivational speech? I hate those.” He laughed.

“A cheesy motivational speech, too. I may have to rethink our friendship.”

“I wouldn’t blame you. You don’t need that kind of bullshit in your life.”

With a soft sigh, I hugged the phone closer to me as I said, “Actually, Logan… I think I do.”

The next morning,I stared at my reflection in the freestanding cast iron mirror that rested against the wall next to the bed.

My outfit was fairly simple: black yoga leggings, white cotton tank top, white sneakers, all finished off with a black cap, and my short hair tucked behind my ears. I pushed my shades over my eyes, aiming to be stealthy about the entire thing, even though I finally wanted someone—anyone—to get the shot. Logan’s pep talks the night before had stayed with me all through the night, making me open my eyes with a renewed determination to take back control.

I could do this. The only thing standing in the way of me was me, and it was time to grow a spine and get out of my own path from this moment on. It was time to remember who I’d once been—the girl who’d already faced the worst thing she could have dreamed of when her parents walked away and left her. The rest, I could handle. I would handle them all again now, no matter the cost, and no matter what anxieties tried to trick me into believing they were the ones in control.

Livia had taken Bella to school for me that morning, and I kissed my daughter on the lips with full force, squishing her cheeks together as I held her in my hands. My voice may have told her to have a good day, but the thoughts in my mind told her that a newer version of our lives would have started by the time she came home.

A text alert came through on my cell, and I picked it up from the bed, seeing Logan’s name waiting for me.

Logan: Remember. You’re braver than you think you are.

Me: You’re getting good at these.

Logan: Are they working?

With a smile on my face, I sent him a picture of my reflection, showing him my outfit and the fact that I already had my sneakers on, followed by a thumbs up emoji.

Logan: Good girl.

It was with those two words that my smile faded.

Cole used to say that to me whenever I did what he demanded, like it was a doggy treat I got for being good and learning to fall in line. For a moment, it made me wonder if I was making the same mistake again without realizing it, following another man’s orders like some dumb little puppet who didn’t have a mind of her own.

But then I remembered how our call had ended the night before, and how it hadn’t been Logan who’d told me what to do. He’d simply given me a nudge to remember who I had the capability of becoming. Who I’d never really pushed myself to be yet in the last almost-thirty years of my life.

All of this had been my idea.Myplan, which Logan had simply listened to and told me he supported if I thought I was doing the right thing.

Another text alert brought my attention back to the screen.

Logan: That smile looks good on you too.

How he had the power to tie my stomach up in knots without even trying, I didn’t know, but I didn’t have too much time to reflect on how he made me feel before another text came through.

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