Page 49 of Whenever You Call

“We can take your car—Livia and Bella, too. You need to do something besides the school drop-off and pick-up. You need to do something for yourself.”

“And you think inducing panic is the way to go?”

“Just because it gets your heart racing doesn’t make it a bad thing.”

“Bad and dangerous are two very different things, Logan.”

“You won’t be in any danger. I’ll be right there beside you.”

“I’m afraid your argument isn’t strong enough.”

“Okay. How about this then.” He leaned closer. “Cole would want you to get out there.”

“You’re an expert on Cole now?”

“No. I just know what I’d want if I left you and Bella behind, and I’d want you to find your happiness again, no matter who or what it took to get you there.” His eyes searched mine. “You can do this, Hannah. I know you can. You’re strong. Time to remind yourself just how strong, that’s all.”

His faith in me shouldn’t have held so much weight, yet the way he said it left me with little to no argument, and somehow, only thirty minutes later, I sat behind the wheel of my car with Livia in the passenger seat beside me.

I’d had to speak to her privately about his idea. She’d looked at me with concern she couldn’t hide, and I knew she probably questioned his intentions—I would have done the same—but after a brief explanation to her about who Logan was, how Bella already knew him, and about how he made me feel, she relented, agreeing to go along with whatever I thought was best.

That’s what I loved about her. She knew when to step in and when to back off.

Bella and Logan sat in the backseat—a move he suggested, with them having the stronger blacked-out windows. As soon as Bella realized what was happening, she ran downstairs from her room and straight to the feet of Logan, thanking him for getting her out of cleaning her room.

He’d rubbed the top of her head and smiled down at her before pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, waiting patiently for us to get ready, like this was no big deal to any of us.

Now, with my hands curling around the steering wheel, I cast a quick glance in the rear-view to see Logan offering a small nod of encouragement—a gesture that told me I could do this. He believed in me. I had nothing to fear, but if I did fall victim to a panic attack, he’d be right there to help walk me through it.

It had been all I needed to take Bella to the one place I’d failed to take her before.

We drove into the drive-thru of The Frozen Spoon, and I glanced at Logan again for reassurance, only to see him deep in conversation with Bella in the backseat. Bella held his attention as she went on and on and on about her friends at school, telling him which friends were her ride or dies and which were actually frenemies. It scared me how grown-up she sounded at just six years old, but I couldn’t help noticing the huge smile on her face as she looked up at Logan in wonder while he hung off her every word as though they were the most important ones he’d ever heard.

When it came time to order, I did so with only a slight quiver in my voice. Bella tried her luck by ordering the supersized portion of praline ice cream, and I didn’t have the heart to deny or fail her a second time. I barely looked at the server as I pressed my card to her machine, and she didn’t bother to look up at me, either. I was just another customer on her long-ass shift. No one special.

I could do this.

Cole had been the famous one. I’d just been his wife.

With a milkshake for me and ice creams for everyone else, I pulled out of the parking lot, releasing a huge exhale when I took a right turn,awayfrom home. Logan’s eyes lifted to mine in the rear-view, and he gave me a small smile that said everything he didn’t want to say out loud.

Well done. I’m proud of you. Keep going.

It had been such a long time since someone else’s approval had mattered to me, but his obvious pride made my heart race again, and I had to remind myself of his words only a little while earlier:Just because it gets your heart racing doesn’t make it a bad thing.

Logan was good. A bright, unexpected light in my darkened world that I couldn’t help but drift toward now. He continued to bring sides out of me that I hadn’t seen in so long, and he did it with such little effort, it almost felt like some kind of twisted magic. A spell he’d cast over me that I hadn’t noticed he’d made until it was too late.

With a smile on my face, I shot him a look back that said,Thank you. I’m proud of me, too.

“Hey, Bella,” I said, shifting slightly to catch her eye.

She looked up at me with ice cream around her lips, which she tried to lick off. “Yeah?”

“Do you want to go and see the whole world?”

Her eyes lit up like I’d just lassoed the moon for her, and I knew then that Logan had been right to make me do this. For myself, sure… but mainly for my daughter.

Definitely not because it was what Cole would have wanted, though. This…

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