Page 31 of Whenever You Call

“Sorry,” I whispered. “Bad habit of giving tit for tat.”

“That was the way you and Cole operated. No need to apologize for it.”

I nodded and looked down into my lap, realizing how long it had been since Cole and I had gone at each other like that. Some people loved to watch our back and forth, while others felt ridiculously uncomfortable around it. I couldn’t blame any of them for feeling the way they did. My husband and I were either deliriously happy and hilarious together, or we were toxic, too burnt out from our individual childhoods to be healed before we were thirty.

“I miss him,” I admitted. “And I hate that I do.”

“You guys were complicated.”

“That’s one word for it.”

“It’s okay to miss what wasn’t good for you. It’s okay to love what ruined you, too. You know that, right? Those feelings we have… those emotions that rise… they aren’t there to make sense. They’re there to make us feel alive.”

“Is that what I’m supposed to feel right now? Alive?”

“You’ve just lost your fucking husband, Han. You know there’s no manual on how to handle that.”

I offered him a small smile and copied his pose.

“Why are you really here?” I asked, studying his warm rock ‘n’ roll exterior.

“I can’t just be concerned about an old friend?”

“You can, but I think the timing’s a little suspicious considering what I saw on the news about Jasper yesterday.”

“Ah,” he said, immediately looking guilty. “Caught red-handed. Wasn’t sure if you’d be watching the news again yet. Not after—”

“After they tore my husband to shreds when he overdosed, telling the world what a sordid life he’d lived away from me, and sharing stories from any credible or non-credible source they could find as long as it had his name in?” I shrugged. “Sometimes I wake up in a self-destructive mood, and the news calls to me. What can I say?”

“You really did live with Cole for too long. You’ve turned into him along the way.” Chase wedged his beer bottle between his legs and reached over to rest his hand on my knee. “Well, just in case you’re interested, what they’re saying about Jasper isn’t the whole truth. Yeah, he got drunk, and yeah, he mentioned Cole’s name at some point and had a little cry about it, but it wasn’t as bad as they made out. You know what those outlets are like, and we both know that Jasp has done a hell of a job keeping out of them since Cole’s death.”

I winced without intention, and Chase squeezed my knee in comfort, leaning closer.

“He lost his best friend, Han. We all did. This was always going to happen to one of us.”

I nodded again, desperate to let him know with words that I understood what Jasper had done, but it had been the man standing beside him, helping him out of the bar, who had got to me the most.

“I saw he had two guys looking out for him that night. At least they got Jasper out of there safely. I mean… unless they were the ones who called the photographers to be there when he left. Has anyone looked into that?”

Way to go, Hannah. Smooth.

Chase frowned, taking a moment for himself before he shook his head. “No way. The big bald guy worked with us on a music video over in Japan a few years ago. Apparently runs some kind of MMA gym now in the city. Mark Shaw’s as genuine as they come. He was also pretty protective of us out there when filming. He wouldn’t do that to Jasp.”

“What about the other guy I saw carrying him out?”

Chase shrugged. “Some friend of Shaw’s, and he always makes sure he only mixes in the right circles. I doubt it was either of them.”

My heart beat wildly, a dangerous dance of relief and excitement building as I waited for the confirmation I needed from someone who would know the truth, no matter what.

“So, neither were friends of Jasper, then?”

“I don’t think so.” He studied my face, waiting for a response, but I managed to conceal whatever reaction was growing inside of me. “I’m glad Shaw was there, though. Who knows what Jasp would have done if he hadn’t been carried out before he truly got himself fucked up?”

Who knows?I thought.Logan seems to have a talent for being in the right place at the wrong time, and I don’t know what to do with any of that information anymore.

“Anyway,” Chase said, gently shaking his hand on my knee. “Tell me something good. Something in your life that’s made you smile in the last few months. Something besides me.” He winked.

My thoughts went straight back to Logan.

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