Page 18 of Whenever You Call

“People who hurt other people to make themselves feel better are the ones we should really feel sorry for, Bella. It means they don’t have a lot of love in their lives like we do.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do, and that’s okay, too.”

Her eyes drifted back to mine, and a tear finally fell down her cheek like a small bomb that had the ability to destroy me. “I don’t care what the girls say. They’re stupid.”

“Bella…”

“But I miss Daddy, and I want him back. I want him back, and it's not fair that he’s gone away and won’t ever be here again because he should be here so I can dance with him. He told me he’dalwaysgive me everything I wanted, and I want this more than anything. I want him, Mommy, and he lied. He can’t give me anything anymore.”

Livia marched outside the open glass doors, stopping in her tracks when she saw the two of us together; me sitting on the edge of the gray patio furniture while Bella stood helplessly in front of me. My girl was having to grow up and deal with things she shouldn’t have to. I hadn’t wanted this life for her.Wehadn’t. We’d always strived to spare her as much pain as possible, but here she was, suffering the most.

Livia’s gaze met mine, and the look on her face said everything. She had loved and lost Cole as much as we had. She lived the life she lived, working here for us, taking care of our family and home because he’d seen something good in her once when she’d been down and out with nothing left to lose. That little spark had gained his trust in a split second, and then he’d invited her into our lives even before Bella had been conceived, promising Livia that she would never want for anything again so long as she promised to love and protect me like I was one of her own.

She’d never let any of us down since.

I pulled Bella closer, wrapping my arms around her waist and dropping my forehead to hers. “I want him back, too, bug,” I whispered, watching as another tear fell down her rosy-red cheek. “I don’t think we’ll ever stop wanting him back because you and I—we loved him so much. So much that sometimes we forget the love we had for him didn’t go away just because he did. That love will always be there. It sucks that it makes us cry sometimes, but it also means we were so,solucky to have Daddy in our lives. It means we had something good that we’ll never forget. We just have to find a new place for our love to go now every time we feel it overwhelming us this way.”

“Like… to a new person?”

I shook my head against hers. “There’ll never be anybody who can take your dad’s love from you. But we can find somewhere special to take it when it becomes too much for us to carry by ourselves. Somewhere only Daddy can hold on tight to it, and it can be anywhere we want it to be. Wherever makes you think of him the most.”

“His grave?”

“If that’s where you think is best,” I said, hating the thought of having to visit Cole’s grave. The moment his body had been lowered into the ground, I’d closed my eyes and tried to erase the memory from my mind forever. Spending an eternity in the dirt wasn’t what I wanted to imagine for any of us. “Or we could make a special place of our own in his memory.”

I glanced around the yard at the expansive green lawn that had been the main reason Cole had bought this place, saying it had been the dream he’d wished for as a child. A dream he’d wanted to give to all the kids he’d have in the future.

My attention drifted to several tall trees that allowed us total privacy in a city where privacy seemed impossible. I listened to the gentle breeze blowing over the pool, and I imagined Bella having a place to go without needing my permission. Somewhere she could speak to her father without having to tell me about it.

“See that spot over there?” I pointed to the far corner where Cole’s favorite tree sat, some of its branches low enough for Bella to reach. “How about we make that his special place? Somewhere you can go any time of the day, morning, noon, or night, without having to ask Mommy if it’s okay.”

“What would we do to make it special for him?”

“Anything you want.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.” I looked back into her eyes, our foreheads pressed together again.

“Will he hear me if I stand at his tree and talk to him?”

“We’ll make sure he does.”

“How?”

“Let’s see. Well… Daddy loved his microphones. How about we tie one to one of the branches and use it whenever we have something to say to him? Something we think he’d like to hear.”

“You think that’ll really work? You think Daddy will hear me from Heaven?”

“He never missed a show of his own, did he, bug? There’s no way in Heaven he’d miss one of yours.”

Chapter7

LOGAN

Whenever you call, Hannah.

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