Page 10 of Whenever You Call

“If another attack starts, monitor it. Any sharp pains in your chest or down your left arm, you need to call 911. They can have an ambulance here in less than two minutes.”

“Right,” I said, knowing he meant it. Beverly Hills had the fastest response times in the whole of America when it came to the emergency services, hence the hefty price tag to live here. It had been one of the reasons Cole had chosen it as our new home. “Okay,” I added.

“Panic attacks can feel a lot similar to the symptoms you get with a heart attack, so don’t wait until it gets too bad. Don’t risk it.”

“Okay.”

“There are breathing techniques you can look up online to help that will—”

“I got it. I got it. I’ll be responsible.”

He looked like he didn’t believe me, but he exhaled anyway and said nothing more about it. “I’m going to help Bella out of her car seat. You okay to stand without me holding on?”

No,I wanted to cry.I don’t want to stand on my own anymore. It’s only been a month, and I’m so lonely and tired and scared and broken from standing on my own. I want someone to hold me up like this forever. Someone who towers over me and shields me from the outside world. Someone who won’t let my knees give out beneath me or allow me to fall.

“I’m good,” I said instead.

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself from now on?”

“I promise, Logan.”

“Okay,” he sighed, holding my gaze. “I’ll let you go now.”

Eventually, he lifted Bella out of the car; her doll held tightly in her grip. As soon as I saw her looking up at me with a worried expression, I bent down until our faces were at the same level, and I scooped her up into my arms.

“I’m so sorry I scared you, bug,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “I’ll try not to do that again.”

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

“I am now, thanks to you.”

The feel of her, the smell, the fact I could hear her breaths and feel her heartbeats hadmybreaths evening out, and when I opened my eyes again, Logan had already started to walk away. I watched his retreating form slip out of the open black gates; his hands tucked into his pockets as though he’d done all there was to do, so he had no reason to hang around a moment longer. He’d fulfilled his duty. He didn’t need a reward. No claps on the back or to see his name in lights for having done his job.

“Thank you,” I whispered anyway, knowing he’d never hear it but hoping he somehow felt it as he walked from our messy lives, leaving us a little bit better than we would have been without him.

Chapter4

LOGAN

“Was it Jerry who made you do this?” I stared at my supervisor sitting on the opposite side of the table, annoyed that he’d demanded my presence at his favorite diner after our last shift together. “Because honestly, Buck, I’m getting real tired of these constant interrogations.”

Buck stirred his coffee as he studied me. In his fifties, he’d been a part of the LAFD for almost thirty years. There wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen a million times over, which was why I was struggling to hold my shit together and not shrink under his scrutinizing gaze. The way he said everything without saying a damn word unnerved me.

“I don’t have to have a talk with you to see you’re not yourself,” he said in his trademark, deep, unwavering voice. “You’re not the same man you were a few months ago, and that’s the kind of thing I have to act upon.”

“I don’t know how many times I need to keep saying it to you both. I’m fine.”

“That’s what we all say. Doesn’t mean we mean it.”

“Some of us do.”

“Some of uslie.” His brows rose.

My nostrils flared. It had been three weeks since the incident with Hannah and Bella, and despite me promising myself that they weren’t my problem anymore, an annoying itch gnawed at my skin, urging me to check on them one last time. To somehow find a way to make sure Hannah was doing well after her panic attack and to ensure Bella always kept her Barbie in her hand. But I couldn’t risk going back there again. Not now Hannah knew my face, my name, and my job. It wouldn’t take her long to figure out who I was and what part I’d played in her life already, should she ever become suspicious.

Although, that hadn’t stopped Hannah’s face from plaguing my every thought since walking away from her. Her porcelain skin and those sad, curious, yet passionate green eyes had kept me awake at night. The grief she wore like makeup and the way she tucked her short blonde hair behind her ear every time she had to take a moment to think haunted me, but still, the media hadn’t done her justice.

She’d left me speechless without trying, even when hidden beneath baggy jeans and a sweatshirt that was too big for her lithe body. I’d had to force myself to look away so she didn’t catch me staring. My adoration hadn’t been what she needed back then, only my help.

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