Page 126 of Dirty Rock

I searched her eyes as though the answer to that question would be staring back of me in wide, bright pools of twinkling brown. I had no answers to give, and she knew it.

The music had been a high, but once the shows were over, I’d been kidding myself in thinking I hadn’t felt empty. I’d thought this lifestyle had been everything—my whole fucking life wrapped up in a microphone and bright lights flashing at me as people chanted my name—but Julia was right. Something had been missing. Something like this, where you crawled into bed against warm legs and shuffling feet. Where you were never alone, and your problems could be whispered to each other in your sleep.

Someone to share the successes and the demons with.

“Life on the road threw Sarah and me into the deep end,” she carried on. “I knew I could use it, turn it around and make a career out of it all. Sarah… she liked the party way too much, and over time, that led to problems.”

“What kind of problems?”

“Alcohol. Booze. Men.” Jules looked down again, focusing on her finger as it trailed circles on my tattooed chest. “Too many men. Anyone who would show her some attention.”

I swallowed as carefully as I could. “Was the baby with a boyfriend, or…”

“It was a random. It’s always a random. I thought it might tame her a little. Settle her down. The baby gave me hope, but most importantly, it gave her hope, too.”

“Hope for what?”

Her eyes shot up to mine. “A love that would never leave her at the side of the road again.”

“You’ve been saving her your whole life, haven’t you?”

Her finger stilled for several heartbeats before it began moving again. “I guess so.”

“And you were saving the guys from Bobby’s band while on tour, learning the ropes of the business, becoming PA, manager, publicist, all that shit rolled into one, too.”

“Pretty much.”

“Then you found us. Youth Gone Wild.”

“And I’ve been saving your arses ever since.” Her smile, although beautiful, was weak.

I pinched her chin between my finger and thumb. “And who’s been saving you?”

“I’m not the kind of girl who needs to be rescued.”

“Bullshit.”

Jules pushed up onto her elbow, shifting so she was leaning over me. I brushed her soft, silky hair out of her face. “I don’t need another hero. I grew up with a bunch of them. What I need is someone to know I’ve got this, but to be standing by my side anyway, reading to grab my hand and squeeze it tight in case I let the fear win every now and again.”

“You keep saying you’re scared of loving me. I want to know why.”

“Because you can’t love a frontman for long.”

I scowled. “Says who?”

“Experience, Rhett. The intrusion and jealousy always turn that love to hate somewhere down the line. I’ve watched women come and go since I was six years old. That’s twenty-six years—your whole life. I sat back and observed every hook-up Bobby and the guys had. I watched them get married, become fathers, get divorced, and then repeat the process all over again another four times until their lawyers are basically just employed to write up prenuptial agreements, and negotiate nasty settlements when it’s all over. And do you know who, out of all of them, always struggled to stay in one place?” She leaned down, her lips only a breath away from mine. “The singer. The frontman is loved by millions, so getting him to love a single soul for more than a couple of years is almost impossible. Eventually, they wander. It’s inevitable.” She smiled sadly.

“No,” I croaked.

“But do you know what?” She brushed her nose against mine. “It’s going to have to happen when it happens now because I love you, and I can’t go back from that. So, like a fool who never learns, I’m going to enjoy the time we have, and I’m going to worry about all the other shit when I have to.”

Time.

That fucking word again.

Time.

Four letters. Nothing more. Yet they made me angry. The heat rose in my toes and had my jaw twitching as I stared up at her.

---