Page 69 of Dirty Rock

Me: Hawk. This is why you never get laid. Step away from the comics.

Hawk: They’re not comics, dipshit! Well, they are, but I’m talking about the films.

Big D: Tequila just came out of my nose. That fucking burned. I can just see Hawk jerking off to his comics at night. Special edition, no. 69.

Hawk: I get laid more than you, D, so you can shut your mouth, you big, hairy bastard.

Coops: Dicky and Julia get laid more than Big D does.

Presley: Damn. Cat claws coming out from Coops.

Coops: I have my moments.

Big D: I’m muting this chat now.

Hawk: Same.

Me: Enjoy your comics, brother.

Despite the weak smile on my face, not even the guys could bring me around from my sombre mood. The mention of Julia getting laid more than anyone made my stomach twist up, and I searched through my contacts for Dicky’s number.

“If you’re phoning me to tell me you’ve been arrested, I’ve got bigger fish to fry, and I’m not interested,” he said on answering.

“Not been arrested,” I assured him with no life in my voice.

“What’s wrong? You sound different.”

I dropped my forehead into my free hand and rubbed it with worry. “Think I might be coming down with something.”

“That happens when you stop touring. The adrenaline wears off, and—”

“We realise how shit life really is, so we go into mourning?”

“Something like that,” he huffed out a tired laugh. Tired. He sounded it, too. Hell, we were all starting to sound tired. “I take it you’ve heard about Julia.”

Just hearing her name made me swallow. The good effects of the alcohol had already worn off, and I was desperate to dig around for some coke because I was just fucking bored. “Yeah, I heard.”

“The guys seem pretty messed up over it.”

“That’s because she’s important to us.”

“I thought you’d be thrilled she’d no longer be on your case every two minutes.”

“If it isn’t her, it’ll be someone else, and no one else can do what she does, Dicky. No one.”

“She’s good.”

“Damn good.” Too good.

“Since when have you cared about Jules? You guys have always been at loggerheads for over three years. Out of everyone, I thought you’d be the least concerned.”

“How has everyone got me so fucking wrong? I tell you guys every damn day how much that band means to me. No one works harder in the studio. No one owns the crowd better. No one gives the fans more than I do. No one, and I meanno oneis as committed to Youth Gone Wild as I am, so it really pisses me off when you people make out like I’m just here for the Peroni and the pussy, okay?Fuck, I know what Julia is to this band. I know for damn sure we wouldn’t have gotten halfway to where we are now without her, so I’m allowed to be concerned about this whole fucking mess. I’m allowed to sit here with this shitty, tight feeling in my chest and wonder what the fuck each and every one of us is going to do to make things right, okay?”

My breathing was laboured as I waited for Dicky to say something, but when he didn’t, I went on.

“I want her back, Dicky.”I need her back. “And I don’t care what we have to do to make it happen.”

“You have my attention,” he drew out. “But I think getting her back on board is going to be a harder task than you, me, or any of the guys can begin to understand. This isn’t just about responsibilities, money, or any of the other bullshit stuff we can throw at her.”

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