Page 67 of Dirty Rock

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “It’s just… I really am enjoying watching you kids fall in love.”

“Excuse the fuck me?” My eyes widened.

“First Presley with Tess. Now you with Julia.”

“I’m not…in lovewith Julia.”

“Right.”

“We fucked. That was it. Once, twice, thrice. God, she was good. Sure. Yeah. Really good. Probably the best sex I’ve ever had. But I’m notin lovewith her. That’s… that’s… fucking stupid.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious, man.”

“I know you are.” He tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes on the road ahead. “In your head, I know you believe what you’re saying. You sound just like Presley did after he spent that night with Tessa, all those years ago. He wasn’t ready to fall in love, either. I don’t think anyone ever is. Especially women. They’re so scared of getting hurt these days because of all the bragging fuckboys out there. We’re living in an era where they’re told that if they’re not constantly strong, they’re failing their gender. Being soft is frowned upon… and that’s tough for everyone to navigate. But…” he shrugged, “not even the most stubborn hearts and minds can stop themselves from feeling love when it’s planted right in front of them. Not you. Not her.”

I stared at him, willing my sarcastic personality to come to life at that very moment. I’d never needed a quick comeback more than I did right then. I’d never needed everything to kick in and deny, deny, deny with such intensity before. But do you know what happened? Nothing.

Not a fucking thing.

I just… stared.Like an absolute dumb arse.

Dex laughed and carried on like he was talking to himself. “Those women that come along and smack us up the side of the head. Woo, I miss those. They’re the ones we search all our lives for. The ones you want to throttle one minute and cradle to sleep the next. That fire they give us. It’s dangerous. It’s gonna burn, but that pain… that sharp sting of their flame. You live for it. Every man is a masochist for that feeling. When we’re old, grey, settled down, and going to sleep every night, those are the women who hold our thoughts. Those are the women we think about. The could have beens. The should have beens.”

“Julia isn’t…” I stopped and frowned. “She’s…”

“You going to finish that sentence?”

“What I’m trying to say is that she’s not… I’m not…”

Dex huffed to himself again, his smile rising into his cheeks. “Didn’t think so. Tongue tied and in denial. You’ve had the night, kid. The one that changes the way you see life—the way you see yourself and everything you thought you wanted. This is going to be special if you let it be.”

My mouth had, for the first time in my life, let me down, and all I could do was scowl hard and look ahead to the dark, winding roads that led to who knew where. To the places I couldn’t see. And the only thing I could think was…

I could write an entire album about her right now without coming up for air.

“You’re back in the studio next week, right?” Dex asked, changing the subject. “The timing couldn’t be better. They say all the best records are built with bricks made of heartache.”

“Dex?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck off.”

He laughed out loud at that, both his hands gripping the wheel tightly. “Do you want to know the good news? The good news is that you happen to be Rhett Ryan. If anyone can win a woman around, it’s you. You don’t lose, kid. You don’t quit, either. You don’t know how to. If you want her, make her realise she’ll never get better than you.”

“What if she could get better than me?”

“If you believe that, you’ve already lost.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Let me fast forward a little.

Dex dropped me off. I got home. Ma asked questions. I wasn’t in the mood to answer. She said I looked sick—she always said I looked sick—so I made my escape, promising her I wasn’t high, on a come down, and that I didn’t need fucking rehab. I left out the part about me being blind drunk and emotionally spent. I told her she needed to watch fewer movies and let go of the worry. I dropped my things in my room, took a look around the four walls and the tiny space, and as my shoulders sagged, and all the breath left my lungs,I thought to myself…

Well, shit.

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