Page 146 of Dirty Rock

“All the damn time,” I answered honestly, my fingers trailing down to her neck and waiting for the inevitable goosebumps to rise. “Why?”

“I’m just thinking about Sarah and all the things she’s going to have to overcome.”

“She’s going to be fine. This shit just takes time.”

“I don’t know how anyone could ever get over losing a child,” she whispered before she turned her head into my chest and pressed her lips to it. I wasn’t going to respond to that. She was allowed to mourn as much as her sister. The idea of having a daughter or niece held so much love in it, the grief of losing that was bound to come out someday.

Just like my grief for a father I’d never known.

A lump rose in my throat at the realisation that some shit would never actually be dealt with, and we all had to be okay with that. We had to be okay with unanswered questions, unexplained theories, and unsettled doubt. Life didn’t come with guarantees of peace; only promises of the unexpected.

Jules and I were living slap bang in the middle of our unexpected.

“I know now isn’t the right time, but I have something to tell you,” she muttered against my skin. The tone of her voice instantly made my skin prickle. Jules lifted her head, pressed her hand on my chest and looked up at me. The room was lit only by the moonlight, yet she still looked beautiful.

Unsure. Scared. Always beautiful.

“What is it?” I dared myself to ask.

“Promise you won’t shout…”

I raised my brows. “Why would I shout?”

“Because what I’m about to tell you means everything’s going to change again. After everything you’ve put up with these last few days, I need to be honest with you. You deserve that. No more secrets. No more lies.”

“You’re scaring me, Jules.” I reached up to run my hand through her hair again. “What’s going on?”

“Well, I—” She looked down and blew out a breath. “This is harder than I thought.”

“What is?”

She looked up at me with a scowl in place. “I don’t want to change the way you see me.”

“That’ll never happen.”

“You don’t know…”

“Baby,c’mon.”

“I think I have to leave the band, Rhett.”

“You mean, take time off? Like a holiday? Because I’m not going to argue with that. I think it would do you good to—”

Her finger rose to press against my lips abruptly, cutting me off, and Jules shook her head. “No. I need to leave the band… for good this time. I can’t be your publicist anymore.”

I dropped my elbows to the mattress and pushed up instantly. Julia fell back, the bedsheet pooling around her waist, leaving her sitting there naked on top as she sank back on the heels of her feet. I scanned all of her, dragging my eyes over the skin I’d touched a thousand times and was all ready to touch again. That want for her only grew stronger every day, but so did the feeling of dread when she spoke in riddles this way.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I frowned hard.

“I can’t be your publicist anymore.”

“Yeah, I fucking got that. Now, I’m asking you to expand on what the hell that means. Why can’t you? Are you running away from meagain?”

“No. It’s not like that—”

“Then what the fuck is it like?”

“I can’t do it anymore, Rhett, because—”

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