Page 144 of Dirty Rock

I smiled with sympathy before I whispered what I actually needed to scream because I felt it so strongly in my heart.

“I love you.”

Her hand slipped down to her chest, and she closed her eyes and mouthed right back with a sigh that seemed to shed some weight from her shoulders. “I love you, Rhett.”

Chapter Forty-Nine

Iwas standing outside Sarah’s house, leaning against the white brick wall as I brought my cigarette to my mouth and inhaled deeply. The smoke settled in my nose and throat before I blew it out and closed my eyes.

The image of Sarah curled up in a ball was imprinted in my memory. The way I lifted her from the cot, walked her into a bedroom, and laid her out on the first bed I could find.

Julia, for the first time, had been redundant. She’d watched me taking care of Sarah with wide eyes and zero words falling from her mouth. Eventually, I’d urged her to go and talk to her sister while I stepped outside.

I needed a fucking minute.

This quiet town I’d never known before weirdly felt like some kind of home.

No cameras. No bright lights. No screaming fans or snapping paparazzi. Just the sound of the ocean across the way, the gentle hum of birds in the sky, and the odd car or bicycle being ridden past.

All this beauty in front of me, and so much pain in the building behind.

I heard the door click open and close, but I didn’t open my eyes. The picture of Sarah was on the back of my lids, acting as a gentle reminder of how fucking easy I’d had it, yet I’d still found so much cause to moan.

“You were amazing,” Julia finally spoke.

I brought the cigarette to my mouth again, took another drag, and blew it all out, not saying a word.

Rolling my head against the wall, it fell in her direction, and I opened my eyes to take her in.

“You were really, really amazing, Rhett.” Her big brown eyes were so sad, filled with pain I couldn’t erase.

“I thought I was too broken for that kind of shit,” I admitted quietly.

“You’ve never been broken. Just a little lost.” She placed a hand on my arm. “We’re not who we used to be now, are we?”

“I don’t think so.”

Her eyes filled with tears she clearly didn’t want to shed. “You’ve got things you want to say to me, haven’t you? I can see them in the frown you don’t even know you’re wearing.”

Questions. I had lots of questions. The reality of loving someone who held so much back from me was fucking terrifying. I took a selfish second to bring my cigarette back to my mouth and take a final drag before I threw it down and squashed it out. Turning to Jules, I leant against the wall and gave her my full attention.

“I don’t expect to know everything about you,” I began, watching the way her eyes searched mine weakly and wildly at the same time—an impossibility brought to life. “Some things stay in the past…”

“But?”

“But it kinda feels like you’re getting everyone else to tell me who you really are.”

“What do you mean?” She scowled.

“First Bobby Hart. You pushed him on me in LA and got him to tell me the secrets of your childhood. Now with Sarah. No warnings. No discussing what you’ve been dealing with all this time. You’ve never come to me with your history. You’ve got other people to show me your life, and it feels like you’re doing that so if I run away, you don’t have to feel like you’ve given a piece of yourself to me you never wanted to give.”

“Everything I’ve ever had has come with a price, Rhett. My real mum left us on the side of a road, and we couldn’t do anything about it. Bobby and the band took us on, but we had to stay a secret. Sarah has always been my twin, but she’s always been a heavy twin to carry. My story isn’t pretty.”

“It doesn’t need to be pretty. It just needs to come from you.”

“All my life, I’ve had to focus on control. Controlling my emotions in front of a bunch of men. Controlling Sarah’s behaviour. Controlling her mouth so she didn’t ruin a life we’d been gifted with. Controlling you and the guys in the band. Controlling the press out in the world. Controlling the secrets told and the secrets hidden. Controlling my heart. Control is all I’ve ever known…”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and pressed my lips together as she closed the distance between us entirely.

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