Page 130 of Dirty Rock

“I think everyone needs to calm down,” said Coops.

“Julia.”

She looked up sharply.

“You okay?”

Casting a quick glance at the guys, she eventually shook her head. “I have no idea what I am anymore.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Is it?” Jules asked me quietly.

What the hell did I know? I’d once been like Dicky, frustrated by inconvenience, new people on the scene, or anyone taking us off track as a band. A part of me—the old me—felt like it was still there inside my chest, somewhat suffocated now, but still pushing against the fabric of who I had become to remind me of who I used to be.

I could hear him in the quiet of the night. That cocky, arrogant attitude swirling around in my mind.

You’ve become what you loathed.

You’re no better than Presley.

All you’re thinking about is Julia. What about the band?

This is the beginning of the end, and you know it.

You’ll never be able to see a pretty woman and do whatever the hell you want with her again. What is wrong with you?

Just because your life gave you a plot twist and made you fall in love with someone unexpectedly, it didn’t erase who you were for all those years before that love came along. But where once those questions would have tortured me—built me up into a fiery ball of rage until I couldn’t see straight—now I was able to sit back and think about things. I was able to look in the eyes of Julia and weigh everything up.

Was life better before she came along? Or had I been pretending to everyone that I was loving all the shit I did, when really, I was waking up every day feeling unfulfilled, lonely, and cold, spending every minute of every hour ready to chase my next high?

Those questions were as rhetorical as they came. I didn’t need an answer. I already knew.

Some highs were better because you hadn’t been waiting for them. They just happened.

Julia happened, and I was so fucking glad she had.

I wasn’t going to let anyone, not even my own family, make her feel like shit because of me.

Ididhave something to fight for now, and I’d go to town on anyone who got in her way.

Without thinking, I stood up to go and find Dicky. He was pacing the narrow aisle at the back of the bus, with one hand on the waist of his belted jeans, while the other hand worried his forehead. He didn’t see me coming, and I didn’t know what I was going to do until I got there, but when I did, he spun to face me. It only took one look into his eyes, and I found myself gritting my teeth.

I reached out for his shirt, balled it up in my fist, and I slammed Dicky Bennett up against a door. Using all the irritation within me, I pulled him forward before I slammed him back again, just for good measure.

“That is the last time you will refer to Julia as a regular piece of pussy in my presence, do you fucking understand me?” I growled.

Dicky’s eyes were wide as he stared at me, his lips parted in surprise.

“And before you even think about giving me a lecture on who I’m supposed to be, what she’s actually employed for, and what this could do to the band, let me make one thing crystal clear: I don’t give a shit. You may be the manager around here, but I’m the fucking star. Those guys out there are the fucking stars.She’sa fucking star. And while we’ll always be grateful for everything you’ve done for us, you’re as replaceable as they come, Bennett. Nobody gives a damn who our manager is. Least of all me. Either get on board with what’s happening or get ready for me to throw you off the damn bus.”

Dicky’s nostrils flared. “What the hell has happened to you?”

“Something good. Something really good that isn’t at the bottom of a bottle, at the end of a line of coke, or in the form of a shitty little tablet.”

“You make it sound like what you do for a living is torture. Do you have any idea how lucky you are, for Christ’s sake?”

“Lucky.” I leaned in closer. “Luck happens by accident. Achieving things happens by working hard, and I’ve workeddamnhard for everyone in this band, including you, so you’d do well to treat me as an equal instead of as your little kid who isn’t listening to what Daddy says.” My fist tightened in his shirt. “And do you want to know something, Dick? Maybe it was torture before she came along. Maybe all of the accolades, the adoration, the awards, and the fans meant shit to me when I was waking up alone every day, too much of a bad boy to talk to any of you, and too much of a soft-hearted shit inside to keep it all locked up. Torture comes in many forms, and I feel sorry for you if you can’t see for yourself when someone way out of my league comes along and finally makes me happy.”

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