Page 118 of Dirty Rock

It was me without the band. Without the security. I was splitting my insides open and showing the world that Rhett Ryan was more than they’d ever seen.

That guy was a singer.

I was a fucking singer.

This was what I was born to do.

I showed everyone exactly what I was made of.

Hallelujah.

The song finished, and the lights dimmed on the stage.

My breathing was laboured as I dipped my chin back to my chest, ending it how I’d started.

You could have heard a pin drop until the first gasp was released, followed by a hard clap. Then another. And another. And another. The audience rose to their feet and the applause grew. Looking up through hooded eyes, I took them all in as the lights went out on me and turned to another stage where Ariana Grande was waiting to segue into another piece. Even she was staring right at me, a look of stunned surprise on her face.

With a wink and a bow of my head to the live audience, I turned around to leave the stage and go find Jules, feeling more vulnerable than I’d ever felt before.

I was taking on all my demons, no longer afraid.

She was waiting for me in the wings, with a smile on her face, and her eyes twinkling with some kind of unshed emotion. I walked over to her slowly, remaining silent.

She tilted her head to the side as I drew closer. Before long, I was standing in front of her, the two of us staring at one another, waiting for the other to start.

“You just told me you loved me, and you walked away,” she whispered up at me.

“I thought you needed some time.”

Jules held out her hand for me to take, and I did, curling my fingers around hers.

She was battling with herself. I could see it pouring out of her in waves she couldn’t hide, but I’d be damned if I was going to be the one to start this. It needed to come from her now.

I’d done all I could do.

With a gesture of her head, she led us both away from the stage area, and we disappeared behind a black curtain to walk down an isolated corridor where the walls were painted black, and the lighting was barely there. It was the place filled with deserted ladders, fire extinguishers, exit signs, and random ropes and wires left hanging from holes in the ceiling.

After a glance in both directions to make sure the coast was clear, Jules came to a stop and pressed her back against a wall, leaving me to stand in front of her.

She drew in a breath. “I’m scared,” she admitted quietly.

“I know,” I rasped.

“If I say the words you want me to say, I can’t go back from that.”

“Do you want to?”

“You’re not going to want me forever, Rhett.” She gestured to herself. “Look at me. I’m the exact opposite of what you need.”

“Beautiful? Caring? Intelligent? That’s the opposite of what I need?”

“Older. Calmer. Less wild. Less impulsive.”

“That’s exactly what I need.” I stepped back and ran my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends in frustration. “Jules, can’t you see? That’s exactly what I need. I’ve been chasing somethingmorefor over three years, and you’re it. You, Julia Speed. Only you. But… fuck, I can’t keep doing this.” My hands fell, slapping against my thighs. “I can’t keep trying to convince you that I want you.”

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve seen you want something, chase it, then throw it away?”

I closed the gap between us. “And how many times have you heard me tell someone I love them? None. That’s how many. Because no one has ever made me feel a tenth of what you have these last few weeks. But hey, if you’re not feeling it the way I feel you, then I’ll take the hint and get out of—”

---