Page 68 of Cherry Beats

When you were warming up for basketball practice at school once, you were the only person on the court, and you didn’t know this, but I was leaning against the wall, peeking around the corner just watching you as you closed your eyes and stretched out all your muscles. It looked like you didn’t want or need anyone else around. You looked so peaceful, and all I did was pray that my thoughts could be whispered to you in private.

I’ve had so many dreams about you that I forget what’s real and what’s not.

Sometimes it’s easier to run away from what you want because you don’t know how you’re going to hold onto it forever once you have it in your arms.

I’m scared of the hate I’ll get for loving you.

Did you know that when you’re inside me, it’s like Bryan Adams doesn’t even exist?

All the things I wanted to say but never would.

I hated the way truths hurt like bullets sometimes. It took me thirty minutes of staring at my phone and controlling my shaking hands and thudding heart to find the courage to text him.

Me:I’m sorry. Everything I do seems to end up hurting someone. You. Molly. Me…

No response came, so I waited five minutes before I found my fingers moving across the phone screen again.

Me:And you were right. I am scared of something… Everything, actually. I don’t know how to be brave for myself. I’ve never really had anything good all to myself before.

No response again.

Me:Thinking about you like this makes me want to start touching myself, just so I can stop thinking so hard for one lousy second.

Presley:FaceTime me.

Me:I thought you were ignoring me.

Presley:I was.

Presley:I can resist a lot of things, but not the mental image you just planted in my head of you touching yourself.

Me:What if it wasn’t just a mental image? What if I found my bravery?

Presley:I’m listening.

Me:If I was the one who knocked onyourdoor, technically, that wouldn’t be breaking any of the rules that were set, right?

Presley:If it were up to me, those rules and that game wouldn’t even exist. I hate that motherfucking game.

Me:Then, as ruler of that world, I say that no terms would be breached if I knocked on your door...

Me:Tonight.

Me:Wherever you may be.

Me:If that’s what you want.

Me:Unless you’re still mad at me.

Me:In which case, I’ll leave all the doors alone and let that long line of women start falling to their knees for you and your dick.

Me:No pressure.

Me:You do you.

Me:Or me. That’s what I’d prefer.

Me:I’m so bad at this.

---