Page 143 of Cherry Beats

You need to hear my voice.

You need to hear the emotion.

You walked out on me without letting me speak, and when you did, you hurt me more than anyone ever has.

So, fuck you for believing them above me.

Fuck you for walking away.

Fuck you for making me ache.

Fuck you for all the times you told me you’d stay, only to run the first chance you got.

That’s as angry as I’m going to ever be, and I’ll be honest, I needed to spit those words out somehow and tell you I’m angry because you don’t get to hurt me that way without there being some kind of penance to pay.

Just like I don’t get to hurt you, too.

The things I said to Janey Dominic that night, I can never take back. Those words passed my lips and you were never meant to hear them. I had the mask on. The one I hate so fucking much. I wanted her to think I was in control. Hell, I wanted to think I was in control, too.

You were tying me up.

How can one night do that?

But I need you to believe me when I tell you that I was never in control. Not with you. You cast a spell on me, and I’ve been under it ever since.

I need you, at some point, to believe I’d never betray you the way you think I have. I’d never intentionally hurt you, and I’d never use you for anything.

I loved you.

Still fucking do.

You educate me and make me hungry for more… every day. Waking up with you made me enjoy things I’d never enjoyed before.

Don’t let the worlds we live in dictate what worlds are allowed to collide.

What’s wrong with smashing them together and creating something new? Something bigger and brighter than before? Rich and poor, common and posh, regal and trashy… they can run side by side.

You’re so fucking regal, and I’m happy to be the trash.

The only thing I’ve ever needed from you is your permission to finally let me love you.

I refuse to live in a world where other people get to tell me what makes me happy, and if that means I have to walk away from the music to come back to you… I’d do it.

I’d do it.

But you need time, and I have to understand that.

I have to give you time, even if it kills me.

I already know who I want to be.

It’s time for you to figure that out, too.

I’ve been honest with you about how I feel from the start. When you think you can be honest with me, let me know.If that’s never, then know one thing:

Loving you has been the easiest thing in my life.

I’ll never be the same without it.

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