Page 75 of Reckless

Harlow grabbed her water and took several long drinks before she spoke again.

“I know where I begin and end. I am my own country. My own universe. I do not need to be attached to anyone else’s.”

“Of course you know that. Love doesn’t mean you have to drown in someone else. It doesn’t mean you live through someone, or that someone thinks you should live through them either. You and Miles are not the same person. That kind of love isn’t for you, Harlow.”

Harlow nodded. Okay that was good.

“You don’t have to love like anyone else does it. There’s no rulebook, though there are red flags, and you know those. We’re not in red flag territory.”

“No.” She shook her head. “He’s not that guy at all. I know where my borders are. But I know where he is too. And while I’m happy to hang out with you and do band stuff and work and all that stuff that is not Miles related, I know he’s somewhere. I know he’s doing his thing and that he probably thinks of me from time to time. I am aware of him out there in the world being beautiful and talented and sexy and funny.

“I’m not suffocating or drowning but sometimes I’m off balance and anxious because things are so good, and I am so happy and I’m scared of screwing it up. Scared something out of my control like Gloria or this interview or other internet nonsense will happen, and it will split us apart.”

“That sounds like you love him to me. He doesn’t want you to be his fan. He wants you because you’re independent and talented and funny and pretty. You and he know this world,” Nora indicated all around them, “in a way that connects you. There’s understanding and commonality. You’re both creative. You sure do share a whole lot of physical chemistry. But if it was just that, you wouldn’t be panicked his mom might read an interview and think badly of you. You light up when you’re with him, or when you talk about him. And you love yourself more. You have finally drawn real boundaries with Gloria and your brothers. Because you believe you’re worth it. And his family is going to be just as happy to meet you as you are to meet them. They have to know how he feels for you. They raised him into the person he is today. He loves them and is close like you are with your dad and Jenna.”

“He asked me to visit him at the end of their Europe leg. I think I forgot to tell you.”

“And you said?”

Harlow snorted. “I said yes, obviously. I said we’d have to work around some of our festival dates but those will be done by then. And you and Brian are going to Italy in the fall anyway, so it’s a good time.”

They’d started writing new material already and were hoping to begin recording the next album after Thanksgiving so time with Miles in London would be really nice after being away from him for a month and a half.

Then she knew to her toes. “Oh my god. I’m in love with him.”

Nora snickered as she patted Harlow’s shoulder. “You sure are! Isn’t it wonderful?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t suck. I want to be so awesome tonight, especially now.” Harlow had said it in a quick barrage of words, a confession before she changed her mind. “I just really realized that his dad is Adrian Brown, and his aunt is Erin Brown and they’re going to be watching us perform tonight. Like, they’re royalty! My stomach hurts.”

Nora said, “You’re spiraling. Breathe.Youare rock and roll royalty! And our little band is amazing, and they will think so because it’s true. And even if they didn’t think so, they’d never say that because they’re not assholes. We will all hang out after the show. I’m sure Poppy has already found a space to accommodate us all if there are so many of his family members here. It’ll be fine. Now. Let’s use this in this chorus, shall we?” She tapped the yellow lined pad in her lap where she’d been writing lyrics. “It needs a little angst I think.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

“It’s so good to see you,” his mum said again, hugging him once more. “You look healthy and well rested. Especially for someone who has been on tour two months already. I’m guessing Harlow has something to do with that.”

“She always grabs extra fruit for me when she’s out and then has it in her bag so when we’re waiting around, she’ll just hand me an apple or a banana.” He held up the linen bag she’d brought. “Or grapes. Pokes at me to drink more water. Called my preference for sodajuvenile.”

His aunt burst out laughing.

“While she’s gone, tell us more,” his mum said.

“I’m head over ass in love with her. She makes me so happy. She makes me frustrated sometimes too. She has this giant heart. Always giving and supporting everyone around her. She makes me feel like the luckiest person around. I’m better when I’m with her.”

“I saw a photograph of you on her social media,” his dad said. “Black and white, in profile.”

Miles knew the one because she’d asked him if she could post it. He stood next to a speaker stack, stage lights up casting shadows over his body. His bass was in his hands while his eyes had been closed. Maybe thirty seconds before he walked out so he’d been going over the setlist in his head and probably thinking about the way he still tasted her kiss.

“I showed it to your mum and told her it was taken by someone who saw straight to your heart. Someone who loved you. It was an unguarded moment. A glimpse of the man who wore the rock star persona.”

He found himself swallowing back emotion. “Yeah, that’s my Harlow.”

Erin grinned at him. Even in middle age, his aunt was bright and colorful and full of energy. Her hair was teal blue with darker blue tips. A pixie cut that showed off all the piercings in her ears. How she managed to look the way she did but also project a sense of safety and home, Miles would probably never know. But he’d been very close to her since the very beginning. She’d never steer him wrong or hurt him. Erin Brown always had the best interests of those she loved at heart.

Poppy spoke quickly, answering a question before anyone asked, “Harlow didn’t know who Sophia was when the interview first started. And when Harlow did find out, she told Sophie that she wasn’t going to talk about personal details about Miles because it was private, and he hadn’t consented to her sharing anything intimate. Sophie brought up her own experiences with Miles to try to egg Harlow on to get her to share.”

How could he forget that Poppy and Harlow were friends and that Harlow shared stuff with her because of that?

“She’s nervous you’ll think poorly of her because of the interview. Especially the stuff about you, Erin.” Poppy turned to Miles who was relieved she’d shared those details but a little concerned because he knew Harlow was sensitive about it. “You’re not going to want to tell them this stuff because you also want to protect her privacy and I like that. But I can share because it’s different.”

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