Page 44 of Reckless

She put her head on his shoulder a moment. She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve him. Hell, she’d never had the experience of having some terrible scene with her family and having a person at her side, her romantic interest, being a shoulder to lean on the way he’d been. She understood why it was worthy of so many songs.

“In her house, on all the walls were framed photographs. My brothers at plays and theme parks, at birthdays and Halloween. All their school pictures. Santa’s lap. All that stuff. There was not a single picture of me anywhere. She had a frame that said something like “My family” and it was her pregnant with Hector and Luis and their baby pictures. The whole house was just full. It was great. For Luis and Hector, I mean. Because again, not a single picture of me. And I know my dad always sent them to her whenever he got any he thought were good. I had school pictures and Santa pictures and pictures from plays and musicals and dances I went to, but you wouldn’t know it to be in her house.

“I didn’t tell anyone. I went home after a week because she was too busy to be taking care of another kid. That was exactly how she explained it to my dad. He tried to shield me from it but he believed a kid should be around their mom, so he pushed for me to go there to see her, especially after she moved to Atlanta. Which by the way, we didn’t know she had until she had her attorney send a change of address for the child support for my brothers. Anyway.”

She ate the rest of the chicken sandwich and wished she had a milkshake instead of tea.

Miles wanted to speak so badly. But he knew right then, he needed to listen way more than he wanted to talk. His outrage was his burden, not hers.

At least she ate her food since they hadn’t eaten more than appetizers as dinner had been finishing up. They’d been unable to have a single bite after that scene.

“Hang on a second. I want ice cream. They have peach ice cream here. Do you want some?” he asked. Though he knew she did.

“That’s not a very good question, Miles. Who doesn’t want ice cream?”

They looked over the menu and he placed the call.

But he knew the story wasn’t over so once the call was made, they settled back in, and he tried to be patient enough to wait for her to resume speaking.

“About six or seven months later, it came out during an argument with my dad, who was trying to make me go back to visit her again for spring break. I refused but he kept at it until I finally told him about the picture wall.”

Miles hissed, imagining how that might have gone over.

“At first he was shocked. He made me repeat it once more because I don’t think he believed he’d heard right. Then he hugged me so tight and said I never had to go again if I didn’t want to. And I never did. He didn’t demand to know why I hadn’t told him. Then he asked me to leave the room and called her and asked her directly about it. I’m not going to lie, I listened on an extension. She didn’t even deny it. She said since I didn’t even live with her why should it matter? He kept trying to get her to see how it would have made me feel, the lack of a room that was mine, no pictures anywhere when he knew she had them because he sent them to her. She said she hadn’t gotten around to it and that when I did something noteworthy and he took a picture of it, then she’d put it up. He doesn’t know I heard her side of the conversation. He’d feel even worse and it’s not his fault.”

“Does he know she’s still this way to you?”

“I think he’s bewildered by it. He loves Hector and Luis, but they’ve been poisoned over the years about him. You heard her tonight about how he’s lazy or useless because he didn’t go to school like my brothers did. She used to say that about him all the time. How he was uneducated and therefore not a good person. My dad was a high school dropout. He grew up in a not so lovely part of Los Angeles and ended up doing construction work. That’s when he and Gloria were first together, and she got pregnant, so he married her. Then he started the band with his cousins and friends, and they had success. Not at first of course, no one ever does right away. But he kept working construction while making music in every spare moment. Eventually they got a break and a record deal, and she had Luis after that. I don’t know a lot about their early years. He never talks about it, and she only does in negative terms. But I know he’s smart and I know he works his ass off to support not just his immediate family but also the extended family the crew depending on the band for their livelihoods made up.” Harlow shrugged. “And I know a college education is great, but not for everyone and just because you don’t go to college doesn’t make you stupid or lazy.”

All her points were correct, but she hadn’t really answered his question, and he supposed, that was an answer in and of itself. “So you haven’t told him. And he hasn’t asked?” That was, to Miles’s mind, weakness. If he hadn’t asked, he wouldn’t know and then there’s nothing to be done and it left Harlow responsible for something an adult did.

“I don’twanthim to ask. I don’t lie to him, and I don’t want to hurt his heart. He has a good life, Miles. A wife who adores him. A great kid who knows how much she’s loved and valued. His music still sells well. I’m on my own, supporting myself. My brothers have lives with kids and all that. He deserves peace.”

Miles heard the defensiveness in her tone. And while he did have to wonder why any father would allow this to continue, he didn’t want to put Harlow in a place where she had to defend her dad. That was Miles’s to understand, and it wasn’t cool to make her responsible for it.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It should have been a fun night and it wasn’t. Which is not your fault. In any way.”

“I just wish I knew whatever it was that makes her hate me so much.”

“You can’t always make sense of things that are senseless, baby.” He kissed her temple and she leaned into him a moment.

He used a pet name.

No matter how sad she was about the situation at her brother’s house earlier, Harlow knew she and Miles had stepped into a deeper part of their relationship. He’d protected and defended her, took care of her when she’d been so very sad. She’d told him things less than a handful of people knew.

And he’d listened. Heard what she was saying and understood what she hadn’t. There were so few people in the world she could say that about and it mattered far more than he could ever know.

Harlow knew she’d have to give him the same trust in return that he’d given her. Having the space to speak without interruption didn’t always happen. It didn’t even happen most of the time. Usually, it was about things that mattered less than what she’d just told Miles. But the safety in that sort of relationship was beyond alluring. It seemed very necessary now that she had it and it was impossible not to wonder how differently things would have gone in prior relationships if it had been there.

“Can you talk to your aunt about any of this?” he asked. “I know you and she are close.”

Harlow told him, “I absolutely could. She’s a person I can go to about anything. But, well, I don’t usually. It’s hard for her when I bring Gloria up. She and Gloria don’t get along and Marcella considers me her kid and she gets super heated when Gloria makes me or my dad upset. Once when my mom still lived in So. Cal, I was at her house visiting but she’d taken my brothers out somewhere and I was there alone. I called because I got scared. Marcella drove out to Orange County to get me and as she was packing my stuff up, Gloria came back. But she wasn’t mad I was leaving, just that Marcella was in her house. Whatever Marcella whispered to Gloria that day must have scared Gloria deeply because sheneverleft me alone like that again. There were other things, as you can see.” Harlow’s laugh was rueful. “But I think Gloria is terrified of Marcella.”

“I knew I liked your aunt.”

“She’s the best. I’m very lucky. Many kids don’t have a backup mom or dad. They have the crappy ones they were born to and that’s that.”

“That’s not lucky.” Miles shook his head. “That’s basic. Kids should grow up in a house where they’re loved and protected. I know that’s not what some kids have, and it’s fucked up. But that doesn’t mean Gloria gets points. I really do not like her.”

---