Page 30 of Broken Like This by Bethany

I look down at the dock. “I don’t know. I left my phone in the car.”

“Rae, you don’t want him to give up… you can’t either.”

My lower lip trembles. “But I can’t do it, Joel. If he ends things… it’s going to destroy me. We’re supposed to have forever.”

“Who says you still won’t? You don’t know things are going to end, but even if they did… do you really believe it would be forever? I hope you guys fix things. I hope he gets his shit together and says and does the right things. I hope you listen and don’t shut him out. But even if you can’t figure it out right now, that doesn’t mean you won’t. Sometimes people do need space to grow and figure themselves out, even if it fucking hurts.”

“Oh, it’ll fucking hurt. Like scrape-me-off-the-pavement-after-being-run-over-by-a-bus kind of hurt.”

“I think that’s actually referred to as death,” Joel says with a little laugh.

“My point exactly.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “You’re very dramatic, in case I’ve never mentioned that before.”

I give his shoulder a shove but then say seriously, “You don’t get it. I love you, but you don’t. What Aaron and I have can’t be put into words. And if things end between us, we can’t step back into friendship like it never happened. If we break up, I will, in some way for at least a little while, lose the most important person to me. It will crush me, Joel. Don’t blame me for being afraid.”

He reaches down and takes my hand. “I know. But don’t let that fearcauseit to end. Let him in. Love him. It’s all you can do. You’ll regret it if you do anything less.” He stands up, then pulls me up. “Give me your keys. I’ll drive us back.”

He throws an arm around me as we walk back toward the driveway.

“Wait a second. Where’s your car?”

“I didn’t drive here.”

“How’d you get here then?”

He stops and looks at me. “You got Kevin all worried, and he was running after you when he ran into me. I was coming back from a jog, so the two of us followed you. His car was closer, so he drove. He figured you might not want him around, so he dropped me off.”

“Wow.”

“He cares about you.”

I shrug. “He’s a good guy. Glad he brought you. I needed you, Joelskies.” I wrap my arms around him and he squeezes me tight. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Rae Rae. Now, come on, we’re going back to the car and you are under orders to check your phone and listen to what Aaron has to say. Deal?”

I nod. “Deal.”

We walk back to the car and I slide into the passenger seat. Joel climbs in the driver’s side. I grab my phone. I still can’t bring myself to look at it.

Joel navigates us out of the driveway. I’m clutching my phone in one hand, staring out the front window in a daze. Joel squeezes my hand. “You can do this.”

I take a deep breath and unlock my phone.

I have missed texts from everyone, but I ignore most of them and open the ones from Sarah.

Sarah: Aaron is a mess. You’re missing. I’m worried, Rae baby. Please text me.

Sarah: Talked to Joel. It makes me feel mildly better. Got class, but call if you need me.

Sarah: I love you. Please text me back. I want to know you’re safe. I know you like to be alone, but… please text or call.

I inhale deeply and text her back.

Me: I’m sorry. I left my phone in the car on purpose. I wasn’t thinking about anything but my own hurt. I love you. I’m safe. And I’m with Joel. And… I’m going to talk to Aaron.

Sarah: Good. On all counts. <3

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