Page 29 of Broken Like This by Bethany

Her eyes scan my face, frustration and understanding visible.

“Then you owe it to her to be honest with her. This relationship is about both of you. You should figure it out together.”

We could if she was here. If she hadn’t left.

I know my words hurt her. They hurt me, too. But… if she doesn’t want to break up… why did she leave?

Neither of us are fighting for this. Maybe neither of us can.

Sarah reaches out and squeezes my hand. “I’ve gotta get to class, but keep me updated.” She hugs me again before standing up.

As I pull back, I say, “I’m surprised you didn’t yell at me. I was expecting you to. I feel like I broke my promise.”

She smiles softly and shakes her head. “I know you aren’t trying to hurt her. I also know how it feels to be lost and feel alone and broken and not know which way is up. I get it, A. Be patient with yourself. Be honest with her.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

“Thanks, Sarah. Later.”

She smiles at me and walks out the door. I grab my phone and fall onto the couch, calling and texting Rae, and trying to figure out what I’m going to say when we talk.

Ifshe’ll talk to me.

And how to say what I’m feeling without shattering us more.

Rae

I pull into the driveway of the lake house. It’s gorgeous here. I grab a sweatshirt from the back of my car. Thank God I practically live out of the damn thing. I glance at my phone sitting on the seat, and think about checking it, seeing if Aaron texted me. But I can’t. Or I won’t. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Well, I don’t want to talk tohim. I don’t want him to tell me we’re over. I want him to not have meant it. I want him to say that no matter what, we’re in this together and we can find our way. I want him to let me in.

It would’ve been so much easier if we’d just stayed friends.

I shake my head and get out, leaving my phone in the car. I walk around the side of the house to the fence gate and put in the code on the automated lock. I push the gate open and let it slam loudly behind me. The crisp fall air is refreshing as I walk down the gently sloping backyard to the dock. I sit down at the end of the dock and let my feet dangle over the edge. Part of me wants to slide off into the frigid water. Let the shock snap me out of this haze, this overwhelming fear and sadness.

Tears slide down my cheeks as I stare out at the lake. It’s calm and the clear blue sky and bright sun today make the lake glisten and sparkle. The leaves of the trees outlining this edge of the lake are perfectly at their peak. It’s a gorgeous day, yet here I am, completely miserable.

There’s a creak at the end of the dock, then soft footsteps. The weight of the boards shift around me. I don’t bother looking up. I already know who it is. He sits down next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Rae Rae?”

I pull my legs up onto the dock and lean against him, crying hysterically. Joel kisses the side of my head and wraps his other arm around me. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, I’ve got you, okay?”

I sob in his arms until no more tears come. When I finally pull back, he takes me in. I know I look like hell. His thumbs come up and wipe my cheeks. “What happened?” he whispers.

“I—I think Aaron and I might be breaking up.”

He exhales forcefully and shakes his head. “I knew he was off, but this…”

“He won’t talk to me, Joel. I know he’s hurting, but he won’t let me in. And I don’t know how to get him to. I don’t know how to support him when all he does is push me away. And then today he said…” I stop myself, trying not to cry more. Apparently, there are still some tears left.

“What?” Joel asks, rubbing my back gently.

“He said he can’t figure it all out when he’s tied to me and that he wishes we’d stayed friends.” I let out a sob.

“Shit,” he mutters. “So, what happened? How? Tell me.”

I tell him about how things have been the last few weeks, last night, and this morning. Is it still morning? I have no sense of time. The only thing I know is how broken I feel.

“Rae,” Joel says sternly, “you have to talk to him.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “But—”

“But nothing. You do this. You hear him say something or he does something impulsive and you freak out and don’t listen. Has he called you?”

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