Page 64 of Falling Like This

Together, we head inside.

I guess this is how things are going to be. For now.

Rae

One night. What’s that compared to twelve years? As I sit alone in my room, watching a cheesy rom-com and intermittently crying, I consider texting him. But the thing is… I don’t want to get my heart crushed if he doesn’t choose me. Because if he crushes my heart… I’m not sure I could come back from it.

Actually, I know I couldn’t. I need to bury my feelings—at least for now—because our friendship is more important than anything else. As much as I want him, as deeply as I love him, I can figure out how to move on from that if I have to. But I can’t live without him in my life at all.

That doesn’t mean I’m not going to sit in bed and wallow over the fact that he has feelings for me, but asked her to be his girlfriend, anyway. That I’m in love with my best friend while he’s dating someone else. And that all of that makes me feel pretty damn miserable.

So, here I will sit and wallow.Damn it. I should’ve grabbed ice cream.

I’m only about a quarter of the way into the movie when I hear a car pull into the driveway. A few minutes later, Sarah swings open the door to my room, holding a pint of ice cream and two spoons.

She’s the best.

“Hey,” she says softly, then her brow furrows, probably seeing my red eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you in a minute.” I pat the bed next to me. “How was your day with Mom and Dad?”

She shrugs as she climbs into bed next to me. “Okay. I’m glad I told them. I talked to Mom about it while we were shopping, and she started texting Dr. Jim during our conversation. So, that’s happening. Dad was… I don’t know. He gets it in a different way than Mom, having walked away from his entire shitty family. I could see the pain in his eyes. He wants to protect me from that.” She pulls the top off the ice cream and plunges her spoon in, shoving a bunch in her mouth. “I’m lucky to have them. And you. Now, why do you look sad? Do I need to beat someone up? Shit. Did you talk to Aaron? Do I need to beat him up?”

I nod slowly. It’s my turn to plunge my spoon in and take a big bite.

“That’s your call, but I did talk to him. Although I didn’t get to tell him about my feelings, because first, he told me he was going on a date with Caity—his girlfriend.”

Her mouth falls open, then she screeches. “What? But that makes no sense.”

“I—” I try to hold back my tears. “I know. I thought we were on the right track. Now I’m just bummed. After everything, I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. That I’d tell him I love him and he’d tell me the same thing and we’d live happily ever after.” I shake my head at my own stupidity. “Joel says he’s scared and also an idiot, but he encouraged me to talk to him.”

“And?”

“I saw him cuddled up with Caity, and I couldn’t do it. Ican’t. Not while he’s with her. I can’t hand him my heart like that. I won’t survive if he crushes it—if he doesn’t take it.”

Sarah shakes her head. “So what? You’re just gonna wait it out?”

“I’ve waited this long. What’s a little more time?”

She sighs loudly. “Not being honest with each other isn’t going to fix it. You’rebothbeing idiots. And big, fat chickens.”

I flip my bottom lip out in a pout.

“Why do you know me so damn well?”

She laughs a little.

I sigh big. “I wish I could go back in time and tell my heart not to love him. I feel like it’s going to ruin everything.”

“You can’t tell your heart not to love someone. Just like you can’t tell your hearttolove someone. It doesn’t work that way. Believe me, I know.”

We lie back on the bed and wrap our arms around each other.

I hate how Vanessa treated Sarah and every single shitty thing that had to happen for Sarah to have ended up as my sister, but I’m so grateful she is. We argue and pick on each other, but we are unconditionally there for each other, always.

“Tell me a secret,” I whisper.

The corners of her mouth turn up and she breaks into a wide smile.

---