Page 31 of Falling Like This

Guess I’m not the only liar.But I refuse to let her go backward.

“Of course you will. Because I’m here to cheer you up. Let’s go to Chewie’s—”

“Aaron.”

She’s either pissed or serious when she doesn’t call meAce.

She must’ve caught her own tone, though, because she continues, quieter. “I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to think. We’re already going to Nick’s later. I want to be there to support him.”

Nick’s friend group and ours hang out sometimes, but I’d say he and Rae are the closest between our two groups. Nick’s been through a lot lately, and though today we’re celebrating a good thing—him becoming a dad—I know how important it is to her to be there. That’s the thing about Rae. Even when she’s hurting, she’ll put it all aside—pretend it doesn’t exist—if her friends need her. The way she cares for people is something I admire about her.

I consider telling her what I’m struggling with. It might make her feel better not to think about her shit, but at the same time, I’m worried this topic might trigger it. Instead, I rise from the bed, walk over to her bookcase, grab the old movie she always watches when she’s sick—The Great Race—and walk to her TV.

“What are you doing?”

I turn back to her, surprised to see panic on her face. Her eyes dart around the room like she’s looking for an escape.

What the hell? She’s never looked at me like this before.

“Are you okay? I thought we could watch your favorite movie. I don’t have tacos…”

She swallows and meets my eyes, though hers are tinged with sadness, and it breaks my heart.

“Um. Yeah. Sure.”

Convincing.But I don’t want to leave her alone like this.

“Okay, then. You want me to grab us some snacks?”

“Sure, Ace. Thanks.”

I go downstairs and grab chips and ice cream—her two favorite movie snacks—and quickly return. She’s made a spot for me to sit next to her on the bed, so I hand her the stuff and sit down, then play the movie.

She opens the ice cream and hands me a spoon, but though I extend my arm over the pillows behind us, she doesn’t move closer.

When was the last time we watched a movie and didn’t cuddle?

Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but everything feels different between us now. It kills me. I feel like she’s slipping away, and I don’t know how to grab on and keep her here. With me.

I thought if I showed her everything was okay after the kiss last week, if I focused on our friendship, we’d be okay. Now, I’m not so sure.

Guess I have to stay the course and hope it gets better soon. I love her, and I want to be with her, but I’d give it all up to keep our friendship safe. Regardless of anything else, I don’t want to lose my best friend.

I can’t.

Rae

I’m hanging on by a thread. I’m happy I came with everyone to Nick’s for the gender reveal. After all they’ve been through, I love seeing him and Leigh so happy together. But being around this many people is too much. I’m struggling to keep my emotions in check. I just want to go home.

It doesn’t help that Aaron has been hovering over me. In any other situation, I’d have been happy for that. But now?

I look at him and see everything I want but can’t have. I feel his love and my heart aches.It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

My heart cracks more and my stomach turns.

I need to go home.

After signaling Sarah and saying goodbye to Nick, we make our way down the driveway, only to be stopped by Aaron.

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