Page 85 of No More Billionaires

“I need to tell y’all something,” she continued. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a terrible mother.”

My sister didn’t protest. I tried to, but Momma held up a silencing hand. Both of us took a seat on the sofa opposite her.

“No, let me say it—I need to, and you need to hear it. I’ve always been a worrier, a pessimist. You don’t know what it’s like to grow up poor, to feel like you’re less than everybody around you, to be embarrassed by what you’re wearing and how you look… to never have enough of anything you need. It makes you fearful. After I married your daddy, I wasn’t scared for myself anymore, but it was still in me—and when you were born, I transferred my fears to you two.

“First, I was scared you’d be rejected by other kids, other girls especially. I wanted you to have the best of everything, so nobody could laugh at you, so everyone would see you belonged. When you got older, I got scared you’d wind up with some boy who wasn’t good enough for you, someone who’d hurt you and use you then leave you like my father left my momma. I thought the best thing for you was to have some security. If you got left, you’d at least have money and wouldn’t have to struggle alone.”

She dabbed at her eyes with the cuff of the sweater sleeve.

“I knew I was taking it too far, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I’d see you dating some cute football player from a nothing family who was going to end up working as a mechanic or a salesman, and it just drove me insane. Your daddy’s been trying to tell me for years I was driving a wedge between myself and you girls. At the same time, I guess I was driving a wedge between myself and him. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about yourselves. I wanted you to be safe.”

“But you don’t get safety from a man, Momma,” Cadence said, her voice hard. “Even if I did marry someone rich and he left me with a huge divorce settlement—it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be hurt. Money doesn’t save you.”

It was true. I thought of the worry and pain being wealthy had caused Larson throughout his life.

“And what about Daddy? He’s not rich, but he’s given us, givenyoua really nice life,” I said.

She nodded, now using the sleeve to wipe her dripping nose.

“I know. I guess the only safety comes in being with someone you can really trust. Someone who loves you—warts and all. God knows your Daddy has seen all my faults. And he loves me anyway… at least he did.”

She started weeping again.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up and kneeled before her chair, resting my hands on her knees.

“He still does. He just wants you to be happy with what you have—to appreciate your life and stop pressing him for more. He can’tdoany more, Momma. He’s exhausted himself trying to please you, and you’re never pleased.”

She shook her head. “But I am. He pleases me. You girls please me. You are all way more than I deserve.”

“No. You need to start realizing youdodeserve what you have. Stop trying to be this ‘perfect person’ you think other people expect and start being just yourself. Let us be ourselves. Make Daddy feel loved for who he is instead of what he can give you. That’s the only way you’ll get him back.”

She nodded and dropped her head to her hands in her lap, crying. I petted her head and looked over at Cadence for help.

My sister hadn’t left the sofa, and I couldn’t tell from her stoic expression whether she was moved at all by Momma’s confession or plea for forgiveness.

“Did y’all start without me?” Daddy’s voice boomed from behind us.

Momma sat up abruptly and then sprang from the chair, running across the room to fling herself at him.

“Oh, Kevin—you’re home!”

He wrapped his arms around her sobbing form and looked at us over her head with a what-the-hell-happened-here expression.

“Yes, yes, I’m here. Calm down, Lisbeth. There’s no need for all this carrying on. I was never planning to stay gone for long.”

“I was so afraid I’d lost you.” She sobbed, pulling away from his chest to see his face. “Have I? Is it too late? Did I mess it all up and make you stop loving me?”

He looked down into her eyes. “Listen to me—I will never stop loving you. But we need to talk. We can’t keep going like we have been. There are going to have to be some changes, and I need you to be on the same page with me.”

She nodded eagerly, wiping tears from her face. “I know. I am. I will be.”

“I hope so, because if not…” Daddy looked around at the nicely-appointed room. “… we’re not going to be able to afford to keep what we’ve already got here, much less get any more.”

I motioned to Cadence to follow me and got up to leave the room. My parents had lots to talk about, and it felt strange to be present for the airing of their marital and financial woes.

Daddy stopped us before we got very far.

“This concerns you, too, girls. It’s not going to be easy, but we may have to downsize in order to start paying off all this debt we’ve accumulated. You need to know things may get a lot cozier around here for all of us pretty soon.”

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