Page 19 of No More Heartbreakers

She shook her head. “Nice. Sweet. That relationship is over, girlfriend. You’re both just afraid to admit it, so you’re starving it to death slowly instead of having some mercy and cutting its head off.”

I stared at her, suddenly terrified she was right. Did Hale actually want to end things for good?

We’d never said, “I love you,” but we’d both put so much time into the relationship. We got along so well.

A sick feeling spread through my insides. If Hale, my “safe” guy, my “sure thing,” didn’t want me, I had no business at all eventhinkingof a guy like Aric.

Mara sighed heavily. “I’m probably wasting my breath, but I’m going to say this anyway because I love you—your reel is fine. That’s not the problem. The problem is you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. You’re scared to go after what you really want. And it’s not another contract at this place, and it’snotFarmerHale. Yes, you’ve got a nervous regurgitation problem. So do some of the world’s top athletes and musicians. You’ll get over it. And yes, what happened with Jason was godawful. I mean I get why it would take you a while to recover from humiliation of that magnitude. But not every guy is an ass-hat. Just ‘cause that was a fail, doesn’t meaneverythingwill be. You’re never going to be happy until you admit you want more and start going for it, start putting yourself back out there, start saying a few more ‘yes’s’ and not so many ‘no’s.’”

I was stunned speechless. Mara was breathtakingly wrong. She’d said those things out of concern, but she had no idea what I really wanted.

How could she, when I didn’t know myself? I was lucky to have a family close by who loved and supported me, and a nice guy who’d comforted me and stuck by me during the worst time of my life. Wasn’t I?

And I was lucky to have a job in TV news, even if it wasn’t always perfect and didn’t pay much. A lot of people probably wished they had my life.

And I did say “yes.” Sometimes.

“So, I can’t tell.” Mara tilted her head to get a look at my downturned face. “Are you going to hug me or slug me?”

I reached out and embraced her. “I think you’re totally insane and you have a big mouth, but I do love you for trying to encourage me to reach for my dreams and all that. It’s just—maybe those aren’t my dreams. Not everybody’s cut out for a life of adventure and risk-taking. There are some people who are perfectly happy to live in the same zip code their whole lives and marry their college sweethearts.”

“I totally agree,” she said. “But you’re not one of them.”

“How do you know?”

“Let me askyoua question. Why did you decide to go to college in New England in the first place? I mean, I think my hometown is the bomb, but why would a born-and-raised small-town Georgia girl venture up there to ‘Yankee territory’? Why not go to UGA in the first place? Or Georgia Southern or Savannah State?”

“Because Brown gave me the best scholarship offer. And it’s a great school.”

“Yes. A great school thirteen hundred miles away from home. And then you chose a career field that’s basically impossible to succeed in unless you’re willing to move anywhere in the country, over and over again. Knowing the way you research everything to death, you were aware of that going into it. Think about the girl who made those choices. Figure out whatshereally wants. Then you’ll know what to do about the headhunter. And Aric.”

I drove home, walked across the lifeless parking lot, and let myself into my empty, silent studio apartment, feeling more alone than I had in a long time.

I couldn’t get Mara’s words out of my mind. Ihadactually chosen Brown because it was so far from home. I’d also applied to UCLA and Syracuse, against my parents’ objections and warnings. They wanted me close by.

But as long as I could remember, I’d longed to get away, to travel and meet new people, see new things. It was probably why I’d decided in seventh grade I wanted to be a reporter. That, and I’d loved writing.

But Brown had turned out to be a huge mistake. And Mara had nailed it—I felt like a failure returning to my hometown, attending college only thirty-eight miles away.

Though I’d gotten an on-air job right out of school, that felt kind of like failing, too. I’d been offered two other jobs, for better starting salaries, at stations further away. One in Arizona and one in Florida.

When it came time to decide, I had chosen the easiest path—ten miles down the road in Peachtree Valley.

Hale had been thrilled, of course. His lifelong ambition was to run his family’s farm and cattle ranching operation. He’d be living in East Georgia the rest of his life.

And my parents—the only way they could be any happier was if I was still sleeping in my frilly pale pink bedroom in their house. It had been a major step for me just to move into this apartment alone.

Could I take an even bigger step and accept a job in some far-off city? Was Mara right? Was I really ready to start sayingyes?

And was that ambitious seventh grader, that adventurous college freshman still in me somewhere?

SIX

Unwanted Invitation

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