Page 87 of Reckless Rebel

“Jace,” I sigh, hurting myself to even entertain this conversation. “You don’t love me,” I explain. “All this was for her, for Taylor, how could you see it any differently after everything you’ve told me, everything you've done? I mean god, you killed for her Jace,” I add, looking around to make sure no one can hear my words.

His smile is as wide as it is beautiful as he replies, “Yes, I did kill for her, and that is something I will never regret, not when it saved me, saved Elle.” I look down to the floor, not wanting him to see the tears threatening to pour, but he grips my face and tilts my head back. “But, baby, I’d die for you, I’d give my last breath if it meant you could stay on this earth and bless it with your goodness, your pure heart.” His thumb swipes one of the tears that are now falling, “Except I don’t want to die anymore, Red, I want to live, I want to love. I know I could have brought you flowers, chocolates, or some other bullshit gimmicky love gesture to try and say it better than I am, but truthfully the only thing that matters is that coin.”

My head shakes a little as I try to confirm to my brain what he is saying, “You love me?”

He laughs like I am being ridiculous as he stares at me and says, “I am so fucking madly in love with you, that if you don’t kiss me right now I’m going to scream.”

His lips are on mine before I can even respond, hard and insistent, taking what they want like they are desperate, and when his tongue touches mine I forget every other thought in my head. He’s here, this beautiful, broken, and now healing boy is here and begging to be mine, His hands slide up and down my body as if he is trying to remember how I feel under his hands, and when he presses into me and I feel his length, I can’t hold back the moan I let out into his mouth. When he finally pulls back we are both breathless, one of his hands tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

“So, what do you say, Red?”

I feel like he is staring into my soul and when I open my mouth the truth falls out, “I’m scared, Jace.”

His face turns completely serious, “You never have to be scared of me, Riley.”

My head is already shaking, “I’m not scared of you, I’m scared of my feelings for you.”

“And what do you feel?” He smiles, leaning down to steal another kiss and when I don’t answer him, he continues, “Do you want to know what I feel? I feel like I might die if you don't touch me.” He presses a kiss to my neck and my body arches into him, “I feel like I've been stranded in a desert for years and I've finally found my fucking ocean.” He pulls back and stares at me with complete sincerity, “I feel safe, Riley. I feel peace. You're my home and I feel like if I ever lose you I won't survive the wreckage you'd leave behind.”

I push my hand into his and pull back his two month sober chip and hold it between us, “You fought for yourself, Jace, you didn’t need me or anyone else, you did this,” I tell him. “But if you are willing to fight for you, then so am I, I love you, Jace Conrad.”

He moves so fast that I almost stumble as he picks me up and spins me around before pushing me back into the car, forcing my legs to wrap around his waist. My head whips around to ensure no one is paying attention to us, but the lot has emptied out and it’s just the two of us now.

“I promise, Red, from now on I will always fight.”

I smile, the pieces of my shattered heart crawling back together at just his presence as I preen under his words and beg him, “Don’t break my heart, Playboy.”

The Reckless Rebel he is gives me that panty dropping smile as he squeezes my ass and drops another pussy clenching kiss to the side of my neck as he whispers in my ear, “Never again, Red.”

Epilogue

Jace

ONE MONTH LATER

The stones are all covered in the remnants of fall leaves as I place my three month sober chip on the top of Rachel’s grave, patting it as I lean back and read her name. I think like I always do about how different things would be if she were still here, but with Ava’s help and my group therapy sessions I’ve learnt that it isn’t good to live a life of what ifs. I focus instead on what I still have: my sister, my brothers, my family, my girl, and I know how blessed I am to have so many amazing people who love me.

For the first time I am able to smile at my sister’s grave as I remember all the good times we had, even with our shitty upbringing, we had each other and that’s all that mattered. I tap the top once more to say goodbye, and head to the other side of the graveyard, a place I haven’t been since her funeral.

Taylor’s grave is as beautiful as she was, it’s all marble, with angel wings carved onto the back and gold inscriptions across the front. When I reach it, those familiar green eyes flash into my mind, but with some deep breaths I force myself to remember other things. Like the cocky smile she gave me the first time I was in her room to pick her and Elle up for that night at the bar. The shy smile she gave me when she kissed me for the first time, and the sad smile she gave when she woke up in the safe house and realised what almost happened to her. All of them help me to block out the other images, the ones I force myself to keep locked away.

There are so many things I wish I could tell her if she were still here, but this will have to do, so I open my mouth and let the words pour out.

“Hey Taylor, I know I should have come sooner, but I couldn't. I’m sure you understand why. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, for everything, for not protecting you, for not keeping you away from him, but most of all for not getting to know you better.” I don’t let Greg’s name pass my lips anymore, realizing now that every time I did, I was still giving him the power to hurt me.

“I have a little sister now, she’s great, you would have liked her, and I know she would have loved you.” I smile as I think about Sofia, about how close we are, about how much she teaches me everyday, about how she won my whole family over in the space of one afternoon.

“And my sister has a sister, her name is Riley, and she is the greatest person I have ever known. She is beautiful, kind, and way too fucking good for me,” I laugh, pretending as if she can hear every word as I continue. “Yet somehow, for some reason, she loves me, and I love her. Fuck I love her so much that sometimes I forget how to breathe, but then I look at her and it feels easy again. Safe. I wish you could have felt that, I wish I could have given you that, and again I’m sorry, but just know I will never forget about you. You’ll always be the girl I didn’t get to save.”

Despite the therapy and the techniques I practice, I still feel the burn of regret deep in my soul thinking about how I didn’t rescue her, but I know now that she wouldn’t want this, so I take a deep breath and say my final goodbye, “I’ll never forget you Taylor, but I have to let you go now.”

I tuck my jacket around me to block out the chill, taking one last look at her grave, and then turning and walking away, leaving my regret and pain with her. I know I will never get over what happened, but I also know I can’t let myself get lost in it like that again. I’ve got too much to live for. Just as I have that thought, my girl comes into view, looking smoking as she sits back on the hood of my car and her fingers travel across her phone keyboard at speed.

When she hears me approach, her head turns and she smiles a smile that lights up my fucking world, “Ready to go? Elle will kill us if we’re late.”

I smile back, pulling her so she slides down the hood towards me, and grip her thighs as I kiss her. “She’s certainly killed for less,” I joke, and Riley rolls her eyes.

“Let’s go, Playboy, before I let the Queen stab you.” She pushes me away and walks to the car door to get in, winking at me as she slides inside.

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