Page 76 of Reckless Rebel

“We are so glad you came, Sweetheart,” Ava adds. Reaching out her hand to give mine a quick squeeze.

She has been watching me closely on this trip, and after our heart to heart the other night, I feel like I have someone outside of my family who I can truly go to for help. I look around the lake, at the peaceful water lapping against the shower, the seagulls flying overhead, the Decker’s around me laughing and joking, and I realize this is the most content and calm I have ever felt.

I wish I could stay here forever, forget that Black Hallows even exists, but that won’t solve my problems, I don’t think anything will. Riley might have been able to help in the short term the past two weeks, but what happens when we get home and she is at home in her own bed and I go back to spending my nights alone?

Once we clear up after breakfast, Gerry and Ava lock up the cabin, I help Sofia get buckled into the car, and then I slide in the other side after Riley sits in the middle. We hit the road and Sofia starts a ‘Hamilton’ soundtrack sing along and I let my head fall back onto my seat as I listen to them all belt out the words.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out to see a message from Elle.

Queenie - We can’t wait to see you! I’m shopping for your favorite dessert so don’t keep me waiting or I’ll get stabby! (image attached)

She includes a picture of her, Cassie, Marcus, and Lincoln, the former all pulling an over the top funny face, while the latter just glares into the lens like the little creeper he is. I haven’t spoken to them much since I left, I think they understood my need to spend the time getting to know Sofia, and having some space. But looking down at the image, it hits me in the chest at how much I’ve missed them.

For the first time in months, I can’t wait to get home and be surrounded by my family, to tell them about how great the cabin was, and the amazing waterfall we swam in. Then listen to Elle go on about how Marcus drives her insane, and Lincoln as he talks about the work Zack has him doing that I barely understand.

I might be a fuck up, but my family is still here, I need to try harder, for them, for me, I just need to find a way to do it without them realizing how bad things are. I go over and over in my head about ways I could ask for help, Ava offered, but she doesn’t know the depths of my crimes, how could she truly help me unless she knows. Elle is the only person who truly knows everything, but do I want to put that burden on her, hasn’t she been through enough?

Lincoln is already aware of my problem, but we have never been the type to sit down and have heart to hearts, yeah he looks out for me, but can I really go to him for help? It’s the same with Marcus, yeah we are brothers, but we have always been the type to suffer in silence side by side instead of begging for intervention. Not that it did us any good, we have all always been fucked up in our own way. Elle is the one who has begun to change that.

Maybe things aren’t even as bad as I think they are, look at my parents, they were true addicts. They were so bad that most days they didn’t even remember they had two kids, let alone remember to feed and clothe them. I’m not that bad, I still have control, and I’ve been doing better while on vacation. Maybe I can continue that at home, work on cutting down and finding other distractions that don’t include Riley. Well, not always, I’d still very much like to continue to fuck Riley, which is surprising in itself, never did I think I would want to continuously fuck any girl, and I want to do so much more than just fuck her. What the fuck is wrong with me? Is this what being whipped feels like?

I’m not sure, but whatever it is, I don’t want it to stop.

After a few hours on the road, we arrive back to town and stop off and pick up some takeout before we head back to the Decker house and I can feel the anxiety within me flaring up. My palms begin to sweat and my mouth goes dry, the need I was just trying to forget getting lodged in my throat. Like Riley can sense my internal meltdown, her hand reaches out and grips mine, I squeeze it back roughly, probably a little too hard, but I can’t help it. There is this voice inside of me telling me to grab her and not let her go, that without her I’ll drown. Telling me that I need to talk to her, admit how I feel, and tell her all my secrets, even the ones I haven’t admitted to my family yet, and just pray that she understands.

We pull into the driveway and I sigh, tightening my fingers around hers, not wanting to let go, but then my eyes flick to hers and I see them focused elsewhere. I follow her line of sight and find the last thing I ever expected to see, but shouldn’t be surprised to find.

Because that's the thing about bubbles, at some point, they have to burst.

We climb out the car and I keep my eyes locked on him, a smile on his face for Riley, and a huge bunch of flowers in his hand. Guess our vacation fun is truly over.

I catch Gerry and Ava give each other a solemn look, glancing my way, but I ignore them in favor of Dicky. He of course doesn’t look my way, his sole focus is on Riley who is slow to climb out of the car after me, she’s fidgeting with her hands as I see anxiety creep over her.

Sofia is the one to break the tension, “Dicky, what are you doing here?”

He grimaces at the nickname, flicking his eyes to me and Sofia, offering the latter a little smile before he focuses back on Riley.

“Here to see my girl.” His words make sickness curl in the pit of my stomach as he refers to Riley, and I can’t bring myself to look at her.

Gerry starts unloading the car as Ava heads past Rick and up the stairs to unlock the house. I help Gerry start taking the bags to the porch as Rick approaches Riley.

“What are you doing here, Rick?” She asks him and I feel her stare on my back but I ignore it.

“I wanted to surprise you when you got home, I missed you, babe.”

An awkward silence settles over everyone until Ava’s politeness takes over, “Well come inside Rick, Riley just needs to take her stuff upstairs and then you two can catch up, we just picked up some takeout.”

I turn just in time to see Rick look at Riley before turning to Ava and accepting her invitation inside. I don’t even think, I just move, grabbing Riley’s bags from her hand where she just picked them up and taking them from her.

“I got these, Riles.” I don't wait for a response, just head inside and up the stairs until I reach her room. Pacing back and forth trying to calm my racing heart beat, I can barely hear anything as the sound pounds inside my ears.

Only about sixty-seconds pass by before she appears in her doorway, slipping inside and closing it behind her.

“Jace,” she starts and it snaps me out of my stupor.

I grab her and slam her against her closed door, kissing her hard, she gasps in shock and I force my tongue into her mouth and mold it with hers. If this is where this ends then I need one more taste before it’s time to go cold turkey on her. If I’m going down, I might as well go down on her.

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